It's now been about a week since the world heard the small price you, Brock Turner, have to pay for your actions. Although you may be dreading the 6 months, you have no idea as to how lucky you have it. You deserve much more than that. But, this is something that won't escape you. This will follow you around, and people will remember what you did.
But, I'm not writing to tell you how wrong you are but to make you understand the damage you really caused. Unlike many people, I'm not saying this as common sense but from a point of view of a victim's best friend.
Being someone who has been raped in the past is something that sticks with you. No matter how much you shower or wash your clothes, it is a stench that lingers around you.
20 minutes?! Those twenty minutes cause a lifetime of feeling damaged. A lifetime of feeling unworthy. When my best friend was raped, it only took 20 minutes. But they were the longest 20 minutes she's ever endured. Here we are 5 years after the incident, and I'm still one of the only people she trusted with that knowledge. I'm one of the only people that will know what she is thinking about if she ever randomly cries. But, it's much more than just thinking; she relives it. If she kisses anyone who was drinking Blue Moon, she relives it. If she ever watches the movie that was on, she relives it. If she is ever on the same street, or even in the same town, she relives it.
She has told me time after time how she feels as though she can't be loved anymore. She feels as though she is damaged goods. Those 20 minutes she endured follows her around and is constantly a dark cloud over any relationship she gets into. She doesn't even know who to trust anymore with this dark cloud following her. How will she know that this same thing won't happen to her again? She was friends with the guy, and he still used her body as an object. If a friend can do that, how will she allow herself to open up to any other guy?
Ever since your case has been headline news, she's been more out of it than usual. She's had dreams of that night, and she can't escape. She didn't have someone come save her, she had to figure out a way to escape her 20 minutes of hell herself.
Unless you are a select few, she still has no voice. She's still too scared to open up about that night. Her parents don't even know. I'm happy your victim had a voice a year later to finally tell of the damage you caused her. You will always be a stain she can't get rid of.
Remember this in your future. When you change your name and get married to your future wife. If you have a daughter, how will you explain to her that she has to watch out for her back when she's out enjoying a night with friends? You don't want her to endure that pain. It's the same thing my friend tells me: she doesn't know as to how she will protect her daughter. All she knows is that she doesn't want her daughter to experience the pain and have the same dark cloud follow her around.
Twenty minutes may seem like a short time. It's even shorter than an episode of Family Feud, but those 20 minutes feel like a century during the time and/or will stay with you for a century.
I hope one day my best friend will regain her voice and open up about that night. But for now, she will just cry to herself just as your victim is probably doing every time she thinks about that one night.
