Dear Anxiety,

I’m not sure exactly when we first met, but it seems like it’s been forever. I never invited you into my brain but for some reason, you decided to stay, like a parasite. No matter how hard I try, you won’t leave. You come at the most inconvenient times. You come when I least expect it. You infect my brain with negative thoughts pretty much all day every day. You make me scared to do anything. You make school nearly impossible. No matter how hard I try in school, you always seem to be there to make sure I don’t succeed. You put so much doubt in my head that I am not good enough. You make me believe that even my best friends hate me. You make me believe that even the cashier at the grocery store has a reason to hate me. Don’t even get me started on the worry. You constantly make me think that everyone around me hates me, whether I’ve known them for 2 minutes or 2 years.

For years, you turned me into this scared little girl. I became the girl who would ditch her friends so she could stay at home by herself. I became the girl that was afraid to go anywhere without feeling that everyone was judging me. I became the girl that lost so many friends because, really, who wants to be friends with someone who constantly ditches them? Not a whole lot of people, let me tell you.

But, despite all that you have put me through, and all I know that you will put me through in the future, I also wanted to say thank you. Thank you for knocking me down on the ground more times than I can count. But most of all, thank you for teaching me who my real friends are. You made me realize that it is the friends who are there for me during my toughest times are the truest friends. It took me years to realize it, and it wasn’t until I hit one of the lowest points of my life, but I found my true friends. It was a lot fewer friends than I expected. It took me awhile to realize that even though it was only a few friends, I had some pretty awesome and true friends. They taught me that it is okay to be vulnerable. So, anxiety, thank you for every time you’ve knocked me down because I now know not to be scared to stand back up.