Yep, you read that right. I wanna talk sexy. No, not like that. Get your mind out of the gutter. I want to talk about what that means. What affect such a small word can have on our society, the connotations that go along with that word.

So, what does it mean, exactly? Being the stereotypical writer that I am, I immediately went to dictionary.com with every intent of copying and pasting the definition of "sexy" into this post and then saying, "but to me, it means…" However, when I read what good ole’ Webster had to say, I found something very interesting. There were two definitions of the word sexy:

Sexy(1): sexually appealing, attractive, or exciting; erotic.
Sexy(2): having interesting or appealing qualities.

So there’s the whole point of this post, summed up nicely by the dictionary.

I know that a lot of people hear the word "sexy" and think of the first definition. I mean, it literally has the word "sex" in it, so that’s a pretty logical response. But personally, I think the second definition holds much more power.

It seems to me that in our society, there is a huge push towards sexiness. Women are constantly encouraged to be sexy in every aspect of life, including clothes, hair, makeup, actions, personality, car, job, cereal preference, and so on. And a lot of times, this is encouraged in order to impress or attract males, which is what gives the concept of sexiness such a negative reputation.

We women, shouldn’t be sexy. We should feel sexy. And those two things are very different. Being sexy is completely determined by outside forces. Others judge you and determine whether you have reached the proper standard. It is looking for the approval of others. Feeling sexy is the opposite. Feeling sexy means feeling confident. It means loving who you are. It means being happy and content in your own skin. It means wanting to go out into the world and say, "Yeah, I’m hot, and I’m awesome, and I’m amazing, and I have so much to offer the world that you wouldn’t even believe it.”

Being sexy is for others. Feeling sexy is for yourself.

And you don’t have to be what society deems sexy in order to feel sexy. It’s about doing what you want and not apologizing. Some women feel sexy when they’re in a crop top and short shorts. Other women feel sexy when they’re in an oversized T-shirt and sweatpants. Some feel sexiest in an hour’s worth of makeup, others feel sexiest going out fresh-faced. There’s no definition of what should make a woman this way -- it's whatever makes you feel like your best you. And that can change from day to day. Some days, I feel sexy in my glasses and pajamas. Other days, I’m in a mood where I feel sexy in a dress and heels. I feel like I’m saying the same thing over and over again, but the point I’m trying to make is that every woman’s definition of sexy is unique and fluid and totally, completely fine.

Now, you don’t have to like what makes someone else feel sexy. You don’t have to think my shorts and ankle boots look good together, or that I should be wearing something so tight and revealing, or that I should walk around in basketball shorts and a t-shirt in public. It doesn’t have to be your cup of tea. But you have to respect my right to do what makes me feel comfortable. You have to accept that we all have different preferences, and every woman has a right to do what makes her feel sexy.

People think that the push towards sexiness is making women feel like they have to wear less and change more. And in some cases, that’s true. Some women feel like they have to be someone they’re not in order to reach this societal gold standard. And that's the problem. That is what we need to change. What we don't need to change is the trend of girls wearing crop tops and showing their stomachs, or piercing weird body parts, or whatever it is that old white guys deem unacceptable and trashy.

We need to fix the culture of encouraging women to change themselves, not the culture of encouraging women to be themselves.

Personally, I’m chubby. I’ve gained a lot of weight the past year. It’s something that really bothers me, sometimes, and something I’ve struggled to come to terms with and work to change. But I still feel sexy. I still accept who I am. Because I know I didn’t make very healthy choices my freshman year of college, which is why I now look the way I do, but when I look at the past year, that’s not what I see. I see the friendships I made, and the things I learned, and I see a version of myself that is happier than I ever remember being.

I feel sexy in my own skin because I love who I am. I am surrounded by people who care about me and encourage me not to change for anyone else, and that helps me love myself. Although I want to get healthier and make choices that will benefit my body and mind, I’m also happy with myself right now. Because I may have a little extra here and there, but you know what? I rock it. I’m curvy and I’m fierce. And sometimes, I wear clothes that are kind of weird. I piece together things that don’t really match, and wear outfits that don’t make sense. But that’s what makes me feel good. So I don’t care if other people don’t like it, because I do. That’s what feeling sexy is all about.

Now, I want to take a minute to make a very important distinction. You should do what makes you feel sexy, but you also need to stop and think about whyyou’re feeling sexy. Sometimes, women are so heavily influenced by society’s views of femininity and sexiness that they self-objectify. Self-objectification is a tricky and dangerous issue. I couldn’t quite come up with the words to describe it, so instead, I’m going to share with you an explanation that I found on the American Psychological Association’s website. It’s from the overview of a book called, “Self-Objectification in Women: Causes, Consequences, and Counteractions.”

“Modern industrialized society chronically and pervasively objectifies the female body, and many women have come to view themselves through the lens of an external observer, habitually monitoring their own appearance whether in public or private settings.”

Self-objectification is taking on society’s view of sexiness and relying on them to feel confident. It is the opposite of empowerment; it is like becoming a slave to the opinions of others. Instead of doing what makes you feel good about yourself based on your own standards, you take on the standards of others and conform yourself to meet them. This can lead to a woman over-sexualizing herself in order to get the approval of others, as well as body-shaming, eating disorders, appearance anxiety, depression, and countless other negative effects.

And many women don’t even realize they’re self-objectifying. They just look at themselves and feel confident, without realizing that this confidence stems from meeting the societal standards of beauty. Feeling confident is in no way a bad thing, but it is dangerous when your self-confidence is based on the views of others, because when you stop meeting those standards, self-hatred can take over.

Your confidence has to come from meeting your own personal standards of beauty and sexiness. When you look in the mirror and feel confident, I challenge you to stop and think to yourself, Do I feel good because I think others will look at me and find me attractive, or do I feel good because I look at myself and think I’m attractive? If your answer is the former rather than the latter, work to get to a place where your confidence comes from your opinion of yourself. Because if you walk around thinking you look sexy and being happy with yourself regardless of what someone else’s opinion might be, that confidence will be a whole lot sexier than any physical appearance could ever be.

What I’m trying to say is this -- love yourself for you.

Never apologizing for feeling good about yourself. Never apologize for taking a picture of yourself because you’re proud of the way you look and you want other people to see you, too. Never apologize for calling yourself beautiful. Never apologize for not chiming in when the people around you are listing off what they don’t like about themselves. Never apologize for loving your body, even if others don’t. Never apologize for refusing to change for anyone else. And never, ever apologize for doing what makes you feel sexy.

As a wise woman once said, “You do you, boo-boo.”