Picture this: You’ve just sat down at a table in the dining commons on your campus. You have a plate of food and a drink, but all of your friends are either at work, in class, at the gym, etc. You’re by yourself. You may not be phased by this; maybe you like eating alone, you’ve had a long day and like the time to yourself, or you just want to get some homework done while you eat. If you are phased by this, you are probably very aware of the fact you are alone, and might feel uncomfortable with it. Either way, if a stranger (another student at your college) came up to you and started a conversation, how would you feel? Anxious? Uncomfortable? Annoyed? If you are mid-essay, or if you are trying to have some time alone, this annoyed reaction could be justified. But other than that, why might you feel extremely uncomfortable with this?

Social anxiety or just the taboo surrounding the idea of talking to someone on campus is a very real thing. However, this emotional response does not just occur in dining commons of college and universities, of course. A reason to avoid talking to a stranger might be the fear of how this person is going to judge you. Maybe you’re afraid to annoy that person or maybe they’re in a rush and don’t want to talk to you. You don’t have to be self conscious to have these thoughts either, because the taboo that is surrounding this idea has grown into our society and created a sort of golden rule: Don’t Speak to People You Don’t Know. They Don’t Care to Talk to You, and You Shouldn’t Care Either. This rule has created such distance between us, my campus, my community, city areas, anywhere you are not surrounded by people you know or recognize. People can be scary-who knows what that person is like? Could they be dangerous to me? Will this person be angry to me if I speak to them? Will complimenting this girl on her shirt be extremely awkward? Will this person offend me or say something derogatory towards me (mostly females, here)? Will this statement I make towards this person possibly be taken the wrong way? Will this person ignore me? Will I just look stupid for trying to start a conversation? This fear of speaking to a new person may stop you from talking to that person all together, which is a disservice to our community, our country, to human beings who have advanced our society more in 100 years than is almost too incredible to conceive. Are we too advanced to speak to each other? Are we actually afraid of communicating to another human in public, even though we have just created an entire other universe for the single reason of communicating and learning about other people (Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, etc).

While pondering this idea in the dining commons on my campus in Keene, NH, I decided to take action…I left my chair and began to interact with students on my campus that I would consider strangers.

These are the results:

John

Q) How did you feel when I just approached you and started speaking to you, knowing that I was a stranger?

A) "Flattered that someone would talk to me that's a total stranger."

Q) When would someone begin a conversation with you? In what setting does it most happen in would you say?

A) "Store settings, coffee shop. Usually short and sweet conversations. Sometimes the conversations led into deeper talks."

Q) What's your major at Keene State?

A) Computer Science

Q) Of the conversations you have had with people who you did not know, how many did you actually initiate?

A) "I'd say about half."

Q) Will this conversation with me make you act differently in the future towards speaking to people you do not know in public settings?

A) I'm already pretty good with being open and talking to strangers or starting conversations. I will think about this conversation in the future, definitely.

Andrew

Q)How did you feel when I just approached you

A) "I’ve done this to people I didn't know before. I don't see many people who actually would feel comfortable speaking to a stranger. It doesn't happen a lot to me."

Q)Why do you think people are afraid to approach people they might not know?

A) "I think it's a comfort zone thing. Thinking people will judge you way more than they actually will. It doesn’t matter what people think of you though anyways, so it doesn't give me any anxiety."

Q) What’s your major?

A) "Health Science with an Addictions minor."

Q) Did you ever feel anxiety when about to speak to someone you didn't know?

A) "I do sometimes. Last year I was really anxious. Then I started studying other people and realized everyone’s anxious. I think everyone judges others. It’s not always bad, but it is a judgement."

Q) Where do you feel ppl are more apt to talk to someone they don't know?

A) "Parties. People are way more open at parities. I’m like that all the time though. I think it’s sad people need to rely on drinking to open up. I think the weather also has a big impact on it. It’s hard to have so much energy all the time but I try to make people feel comfortable. I would say I am an introvert, though. I do like my alone time, too."

Tim

Q) How do you feel right now, that I just started talking to you?

1. "Awkward."

Q) Has anyone random talked to you before?

A) "Not other than trying to sell me something, ask for directions or money."

Q) How do you think you'd feel having to talk to someone you didn't know?

A) "It would feel like a force."

Q) Why wouldn't you feel comfortable taking to a stranger?

A) "You should have a reason or a question."

Q)What's your major?

A) "Saftey."

Q) What grade are you in?

A) "I'm a sophmore."

Q) Do you think this conversation will changes your mind on how you view talking to new people in person?

A) "It'll make me rethink talking to strangers."

Samantha

Q) How did you feel when I just came up to you?

A) "Thrown off. I feel social enough to make a conversation but I’d be confused and thrown off if someone I didn't know talked to me."

Q) Has a stranger ever come up to you and started a conversation?

A) "Someone has asked to sit with me at the DC before. At parties is really the only place that I have seen people come out of their comfort zone significantly."

Q) How do you feel about that?

A) Its upsetting. You’d think you could talk to anyone and have it not be weird. People can be cliquey, too, which I think has an impact on the lack of conversation."

Q) why do think that is?

A) "They don’t want to be judged. In movies there are cliques. It’s something you learn in middle school and high school, to stay with your crowd and your friends."

Q) Will this conversation change the way you think about this?

A) "I’ll think about this more."

I think our antisocial tendencies are most likely due to the culture our society has created that is centered by social media. Are we at fault for our lack of conversational skill? I don't believe so. This is the environment we were born into. Should we continuously question our societal rules, take a step back and choose for ourselves if we are happy with our relationships to one another? I say most definitely yes.

Thank you to the kind people who allowed me to interview them; I will continue to keep this idea in my mind while dealing with the people I am surrounded by and I hope you all do also.