As a student at Franciscan University of Steubenville for 3 years now, I have noticed a particular behavior that is far more common than my fellow students may like to admit. It’s called holy shaming, and it is by far one of the most repugnant things I have experienced on this campus.
Before I go into detail, I must admit that Franciscan University is without a doubt one of the holiest places one could choose to attend college. It is known by many as “Catholic Disneyland” for good reason, and is home to many students that have chosen to pursue their faith life alongside their academics during their college career. Some of said students are latecomers to the Catholic faith, others have been Catholic since birth, with a small percentage of students being non-Catholics or local commuters who attend Franciscan strictly based on sports, affordability, or academics. While most students at Franciscan are Catholic, they are all individuals who are at different places in their unique spiritual journey.
Catholic shaming is a symptom of this fact.
As human beings, it is no surprise that we often compare ourselves to others. Many times, this will lead us to ideas of superiority and inferiority within specific groups. This is exactly what has happened at Franciscan. Catholic students at Franciscan that are not seen as holy enough are marginalized by others that think of themselves as holy and devout. I myself have been made to feel this way on multiple occasions, and it all started my first semester at Franciscan.
Most everyone can agree that households have been one of the greatest parts of Franciscan student life since their inception by Father Michael Scanlon. Unfortunately, over time, these groups became an object of marginalization and a source of holy shaming at Franciscan. Joining a household is not for everyone, and they specifically make sure to tell you that when you first arrive. It is an optional part of being a student at Franciscan, and yet many times, joining a household is made out to be an expectation if you want to achieve true holiness. I am currently a member of the oldest men’s household at Franciscan University, and yet there was a time that I felt I would never join a household.
My first semester, I was fresh from California. I kind of felt like the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, traveling to a new and better home. However, I was hardened by what I considered the world, and I felt it not necessary to join a household. That was entirely my right as an individual and I believed it would not affect my spiritual life either way. I was determined to “do my time” at Franciscan so to speak, and grow in my spiritual life by means of daily mass, adoration, and managing a regular prayer life. I felt at peace with my decision and plunged into my new environment only to find I was apparently denying myself holiness.
I distinctly remember having a conversation with a young man about households. He asked me if I had decided on a household yet or if I was still shopping around. Completely sure of myself, I explained that I intended to not join a household while at Franciscan. I will never forget the look on his face as he responded to me. He gave me a glare of judgement that made me feel like I was committing a sin by not being open to households. He said to me, “If you don’t join a household then how do you expect to grow in holiness while you’re here?” I couldn’t believe it. Here I was thinking that I was doing fine in my spiritual journey, and this young man was telling me I was doing it wrong and his way was THE way. I didn’t really know how to take it, and I agreed with him to avoid a heated argument. Eventually I met a group of guys that made me rethink my stance on households, but it was a natural progression of my personal spiritual journey, not forced on me by holy shaming. I have encountered an alarming number of other students who claim to have experienced a similar reaction when discussing households. This entity at Franciscan that was created to do good in the hearts of men and women has turned into a means of ridicule, a source of holy shaming.
Growing up a Catholic in California, I went to CCD like all good Catholics do and learned the basics. Eventually, I received the sacrament of Confirmation while I was in high school. Unfortunately, I barely learned anything and left with more questions than I had when I first started. I fell away from my faith for a few years, and then had a reversion that eventually led me to Franciscan. When I showed up, however, I felt so inadequate. I was so behind the typical Franciscan student that I was embarrassed to have theological discussions with my peers. On multiple occasions, I wouldn’t know some random factoid that apparently is common knowledge among Catholics and would be laughed at. People would ask me, “How are you Catholic and you don’t know that?” It happened so often that I started to avoid talking about theology like it was the black plague. I began to ask how I could allow myself to be so inferior, and it deeply hurt my feelings when other students would point out my flaws. I had a unique story and a unique faith journey, and yet I was made to feel like I was inadequate and my faith life was lesser because of my inadequacy.
I came to Franciscan because I knew I needed to learn more. I was fully aware of my lack of knowledge, and I acted on it by choosing a University nearly 3000 miles away from my home and yet I was still made to feel inadequate when I got there. It wasn’t what I expected when I first set out on my journey. Luckily for me, I was able to find many individuals who would look past my deficient knowledge and help me learn without being made to feel stupid. However, not everyone who experiences this kind of holy shaming is as fortunate, and I know of several students who left Franciscan because they were made to feel like outsiders.
It is also very important to remember that not every student at Franciscan is a Catholic. There is a good number of students that are another denomination of Christianity or not Christian at all. This means that not every student has the same values, and this deviation has resulted in a great deal of holy shaming and I cannot stress enough how I abhor this behavior. We as Catholics cannot impose our morals and ideals on others. We cannot make others feel less than simply because they are not as holy as we consider ourselves.
A prime example of this is a stance on sex before marriage. As Catholics, we are called to remain celibate until we are married. However, not everyone is Catholic at Franciscan and so not everyone shares this view. There are also many Catholics that struggle with purity despite knowing and believing that engaging in sexual behavior before marriage is wrong. One of my closest friends at Franciscan was a victim of slut shaming, a type of holy shaming, by a group of individuals. She was not Catholic and didn’t share in our beliefs regarding premarital sex, yet some students took it upon themselves to shame her for not being as they believed she should be at Franciscan. They spread rumors and anonymously slandered her by saying very lude things in online public forums. That behavior targeted her because she was different. She was made to feel less then and like an outsider for not meeting other people’s expectations of holiness. She was mistreated and felt unwelcome at her own university. This is not acceptable behavior of a Catholic at Franciscan. We are taught to love others no matter where they are at in their faith journey. Regardless of whether a student at Franciscan isn’t Catholic, is a new convert eager to learn, or is a seasoned cradle Catholic they should all be treated the same.
Franciscan, the holy shaming needs to stop. If you know someone who was or is a victim of holy shaming, reaffirm them that said shaming was wrong. Stand up to other students guilty of holy shaming and if you yourself have engaged in holy shaming, stop and realize the harmful affect you are having on people. It is never okay to belittle someone because of their behavior, moral code, or belief system because it is different than yours. Every individual is on their own unique faith journey; be supportive and don’t make people feel inadequate or inferior because they know less than you or have different morals than you. Holiness isn't a competition. Let us stop this behavior together at Franciscan so that every student can feel the call to holiness here and know that at Franciscan University, they are home.
