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Let's Put Joey Chestnut in Perspective

"Siri, define 'goat'"

Gibson Steed

Jul 11, 2019

Mississippi State University

Kena Betancur/Getty Images

Joey Chestnut is a human being like no other. If you are unfamiliar with his accomplishments, he holds 48 eating records, per Major League Eating. He has won the Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest twelve times in the last thirteen years. He is the Michael Jordan of eating... or is Jordan the Joey Chestnut of basketball? After watching Chestnut down SEVENTY-ONE hot dogs on July 4th, 2019, I was curious just to see how his dynasty compares to that of the best athletes and teams to ever grace the Earth. Here's what I found:

Chestnut has 12 Nathan's titles, which is more titles than:

Bill Russell: 11 (NBA), 12x NBA All-Star

Michael Jordan: 6 (NBA), 10x All-NBA First Team

LeBron James: 3 (NBA)

Kobe Bryant: 5 (NBA), 11x All-NBA First Team

Tom Brady: 6 (NFL), widely considered the best NFL player of all time

Joe DiMaggio: 11 (MLB)

Babe Ruth: 7 (MLB)

The St. Louis Cardinals: 11 (MLB)

The Boston Red Sox: 9 (MLB)

The Green Bay Packers: 11 (NFL)

Notre Dame Fighting Irish Football: 11 (CFB)

UCLA Basketball: 11 (CBB), widely considered the best program in college basketball history

Duke AND UNC Basketball combined: 11 (CBB)

THE ENTIRE CITY OF MIAMI: 7 (NBA, MLB, NFL)

The numbers speak for themselves: Joey Chestnut is the greatest athlete to ever exist.

I hope you enjoyed. Yes, this is a joke. But in all seriousness, Joey Chestnut continues to do incredible things, and we should all bear witness to his domination in Major League Eating.

12 Midnight NYE: Fun Ideas!

This isn't just for the single Pringles out there either, folks

SUNY New Paltz

15692

StableDiffusion

When the clock strikes twelve midnight on New Year's Eve, do you ever find yourself lost regarding what to do during that big moment? It's a very important moment. It is the first moment of the New Year, doesn't it seem like you should be doing something grand, something meaningful, something spontaneous? Sure, many decide to spend the moment on the lips of another, but what good is that? Take a look at these other suggestions on how to ring in the New Year that are much more spectacular and exciting than a simple little kiss.

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Student Life

Things I Am Actually Going To Do This Semester

Or at least try to do.

University of Tennessee at Chattanooga

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New year, new semester, not the same old thing. This semester will be a semester to redeem all the mistakes made in the previous five months.

1. I will wake up (sorta) on time for class.

Let's face it, last semester you woke up with enough time to brush your teeth and get to class and even then you were about 10 minutes late and rollin' in with some pretty unfortunate bed head. This semester we will set our alarms, wake up with time to get ready, and get to class on time!

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Student Life

The 5 Painfully True Stages Of Camping Out At The Library

For those long nights that turn into mornings when the struggle is real.

Southwestern University

3231

woman reading a book while sitting on black leather 3-seat couch

Photo by Seven Shooter on Unsplash

And so it begins.

1. Walk in motivated and ready to rock

Camping out at the library is not for the faint of heart. You need to go in as a warrior. You usually have brought supplies (laptop, chargers, and textbooks) and sustenance (water, snacks, and blanket/sweatpants) since the battle will be for an undetermined length of time. Perhaps it is one assignment or perhaps it's four. You are motivated and prepared; you don’t doubt the assignment(s) will take time, but you know it couldn’t be that long.

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Let's Put Joey Chestnut in Perspective

"Siri, define 'goat'"

Chestnut has 12 Nathan's titles, which is more titles than:

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Because have you ever had to endure grilling your foot on a George Foreman?

1. When he just wanted bacon from his George Foreman grill

2. When he had money (and Jan) issues

3. When he got upstaged at Phyllis' wedding

4. When he unintentionally saved Meredith from rabies

5. When he wore a "bisexual" suit

6. When he had to apologize to Jesus

7. When his GPS drove him into a lake

8. When he had to deal with Ryan as his boss

9. When he couldn't fulfill his most generous empty promise

10. When this happened

11. When he struggled with a X-Mas break up

12. When he had to defend his generosity

13. When he threw a classy Christmas party for Holly but she had a boyfriend

14. When he had to stand up to peer pressure

15. When Toby was "Toby-ish"

This isn't just for the single Pringles out there either, folks

Run Around Clanging Pots and Pans in Everyone's Face

Eat the Last Few Pigs in a Blanket

Pop Twelve White Grapes

Burn Something

Smash Things Against a Wall

Spontaneously Begin an Irish Jig

Call Your Mother

Throw a Coffee Table Out a Window

Sing "Auld Lang Syne" at the Top of Your Lungs

Do Some Squats

Swan Dive into a Nearly Freezing Body of Water

Take a Shot

Time to be merry and bright.

"First Noel" by Leslie Odom, Jr

"A Holly Jolly Christmas" by Burl Ives

"Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" by Kelly Clarkson

"All I Want for Christmas Is You" by Mariah Carey

"Christmas (Baby Please Come Home" by Michael Buble

"Last Christmas" by Taylor Swift

"The Christmas Song" by Josh Groban

"White Christmas" by Idina Menzel

"O Holy Night" by David Archuleta

"Believe" by Josh Groban

"Les cloches du hameau" by Celine Dion

Or at least try to do.

1. I will wake up (sorta) on time for class.

2. I will look decent for class.

3. I will go to the gym more.

4. I will go to the library and study more.

5. I will meet new people.

For those long nights that turn into mornings when the struggle is real.

1. Walk in motivated and ready to rock

2. Disappointed you let it get this bad

3. Distracted: When a 10-Minute Break Becomes an Hour

4. When the Yearning for Sleep Sneaks Up

5. In the words of Lorelai Gilmore "Coffee, Coffee, Coffee"

Oh, so done.

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