Getting into a relationship involves questions that need to be asked before being sexually active together. Not asking questions can become harmful for both you and your partner’s physical and mental health. The types of questions that need to be asked involve their desires, (sexual) history, future plans, exclusivity, and schedules along with the social and emotional factors that may come into play with unprotected sex. Discussing desires, or fantasies, becomes a big deal because they may be into certain activities that do not make you comfortable, like bondage and toys. Boundaries are a big factor that comes into play since you or your partner may have been sexually traumatized or abused in the past that may prevent wanting to perform any types of sexual activity.
It is very important to discuss sexual history with one another because there can be life-threatening consequences. The question on how long ago their last STI test was is a question that needs to be asked as it is important for a secure relationship. If the test took place longer than six months, then the person typically does not have an accurate identification that they do not have one.
When it comes to future plans, you need to discuss whether or not you use, or plan to use birth control. When having sex, using two different forms of birth control is the most reliable way to prevent pregnancy (for heterosexual relationships) and disease. If your partner does not want to use contraception and you do not feel comfortable, you need to discuss it. You should feel comfortable and trust one another while proceeding in the act. If you are in a heterosexual relationship, the discussion on whether or not you or your partner may want children should be discussed if their is an absence of their use. Just because you know some friends that do not have any issues when not using does not mean you won’t.
Exclusivity must be discussed for you both to know whether they are only sexually active together or with other people. Some people are interested in open relationships, while other individuals are not. Making sure your partner is only exclusive with you is very important since it can reduce a lot of confusion and stress between one another.
Consent is the most essential part in a relationship. In order to be comfortable and feel safe with one another, you need to communicate with each other.
