As the days of the new year continue to tick by rather quickly, I have come to realize that I haven’t quite set a resolution for myself. It may not be January 1, but what's the harm in starting a little late? After much consideration, I have decided that this is the year I am going to learn to just “let it go.”
When I say it out loud, it seems like a quite easy task, but when I find myself laying in bed at 2:46 in the morning, thinking about what that one person said to me two weeks ago, it doesn’t seem so easy. I have sat in a constant state of anxiety, wondering about what people truly think of me — much of which is out of my control.
In the past, I have continually tried to show control by changing myself for other people and society, apologizing and taking blame for things I didn't do, and aligning my values with those I don’t agree with. I would worry about what people in my Criminal Justice class would think of my colorful leggings. I would choose to act and talk in a certain way because I was worried what my “friends” would think. I would choose to keep certain things from my family, because I was scared of their opinion. When I sit back and look at all of those things, they all have one thing in common: I was having to change myself for what I felt was good for other people.
It was as if a switch flipped in my mind as I began to wonder what if I just stopped caring what other people thought, or in a sense just “let it all go.” So in order to test my ‘what if’ theory, I tried it out, and I instantly felt a weight being lifted off my shoulders. I wore my colorful leggings to class and didn’t get a second look; I quit apologizing for being who I am and found people that cared for the real me; I stopped hiding things from my family and began owning my opinion. I never thought this would make a difference in my life, but it has. I also never realized how much time I have spent being unhappy. Who wants to waste time being unhappy? I sure don’t.
With my new mindset, I am able to take a deep breath at night before I go to bed and fall asleep. I don’t need to replay the events of something that happen 10 years ago; I don't need to worry about how my choices today affected other people; I just need to worry about me.
I'm finally feel free for once in my life, as if there is nothing to leave me burdened, there is nothing causing me unhappiness. So with my head held high, I today, can sigh with a breath of relief and say the words, "I don't care," and just let it all go.
