This is a poem that I wrote months ago amidst an unexplainable mental breakdown. It feels weird to share and I usually don't like to share personal things that I write like this but I am doing this to remind people that pain is temporary. I felt trapped and unable to speak to anybody about how I was feeling despite the love that surrounded me. Writing has always been my sanction and reading the things I have written during the hardest obstacles in my life, remind me that perseverance is capable and life is constantly changing, but it does get better. Reading things like this reminds me that it is unhealthy to hold in your emotions and way better to console in someone that you trust for help. For anyone going through something, just know that you're not alone and that it is okay to express your feelings, you are not a burden.
Let me cry
Seriously I'm surprised it took me this long to explode, I know I've began to crack prior to this, but nothing's ever shattered
For all the times I've had reasons to blame or an explanation to pin
But this one shackled me in my head and demanded isolation
A friend I haven't seen in a while
Accompanied by a low frequency of feeling and high frequency of tears
Push away the people who love you in order to not feel like a burden
Make jokes about all the things that hurt you the most
Force yourself to be vulnerable so you can hate yourself in the morning
Cry until your eyes hurt
Avoid all human interaction until the last drum beats its quiet but powerful hum
Silence out the voices of reason
You're enveloped by whatever this is, the music will soon stop
I never liked this song anyway I want it to stop
I haven't written in a while and I wonder if this is because I'm becoming vulnerable again
Remember when I didn't rely on people and hated constant company
Remember when I didn't realize how much I needed it until I realize I loved constant company
The thought of isolation surrounded by four walls and people I hate rooted from the only thing I am supposed to love
Kills me
It silences me
And everything I know
I'm buried in everything I hate
I become everything I despise
I see myself becoming everything I fear
I picture myself sinking into something I can never come back out of
I like to hope that there is a bigger picture
One that I can't see now
I like to hope that there is a bigger picture
That i am oblivious to its colors
I like to hope there is a bigger picture
Because I have no answer for these happenings
I have questions so many questions
But have always hated "why me"
I wonder until I bite my tongue so hard that it bleeds "why me"
I think about the amount of people who have seen me cry
And I wonder what they think
I think about how my feet become robots trained to run far from heart beats whenever I start to feel pain
these blocks of cement run fast
I am not allowed to feel pain
Who is that and how do you comfort her
I am not allowed to feel pain
Who am I to talk about myself and expect anyone in the world to understand
I listen to the dials of my phone ring and think about what made up story I should tell you when you answer
I don't know about pain,
I can never introduce you to her
This is my call for help
The rings continue to echo
This is my call for help
All I need is one word
This is my call for help
And I don't want concern
I just need your help
I don't want your pity
I don't need your help
And I don't expect understanding
I am asking you for
help.
Let the phone ring
pick it up on the last ring so my intrusive thoughts have enough time to throw a party
Answer
Please
all you need to say is hello
sometimes all I am asking for
is a voice to remind myself that I am alive
Let me cry
