I was driving back home when my world was falling apart. I was pregnant. I was hiding. I was scared. I was hurting. I had 5 hours of familiar road to cry, to plan, to figure out what the heck I was going to do. I hadn't planned during this time to tell anyone the news. The only plan I had was to pretend like everything was fine, when in fact, it was all crashing down around me. I was working on how to act normal so my family wouldn't see right through my lies. If one person asked, I knew I would just crumple at their feet.
At some point in the road trip the song 'Jesus, Take the Wheel,' by Carrie Underwood came on. My heart took in every sentence, every word. Suddenly, I started screaming it out as tears streamed down my face.
"Jesus take the wheel. Take it from my hands, cause I can't do this on my own. I am letting go, so give me one more chance. Save me from this road I am on. Jesus take the wheel."
It was my heart cry for help. The road I was driving on was sunny, but the road where my life was headed was bleak and dark with so much uncertainty. Over and over again I sang for God to save me from the road I was on. I don't know how many hours passed with the song on repeat. I made it to Fairfield, checked my gas gauge, which said I was just above a quarter of a tank. I pressed onward without stopping. I thought it was enough. But within 10 minutes that little red arrow dropped all the way to empty. I underestimated the headwind and windy hills I would be climbing in that little car. I didn't want to turn around. It was as if turning around would be telling Jesus to take the wheel only for me to be the backseat driver and tell him where to go. Deep within in my heart I knew I just needed to be home.
When the light came on for me to get gas I started bawling again. I had many miles left and knew I was not going to make it. I started screaming to God that I couldn't handle this. I was so upset that I didn't just stop to get gas, but mostly I was just scared. I remembered reading a book about a family who was running from the cops but at every gas station there was a cop waiting for them. Instead of stopping they pressed onward and the van never ran out of gas until they reached the destination they were suppose to get to. Maybe not the destination they had planned but the one God had planned.
I started crying to God to do this for me. To not let the car leave me stranded. As I climbed those hills every turn filled me with more hope wondering if we were actually going to make it. Although, every corner that didn't give way to my destination filled me with dread thinking this would be where the car would quit on me. But it kept chugging on, completely empty. When I was five miles out of Mountain Home I started to realize that God wasn't going to let the car run out. I was going to make it even though the car should have quit about ten miles ago.
I pulled into the closest gas station. It was packed with other travelers, leaving only one spot open. I pulled up only to find that it was the wrong side and wouldn't reach. I backed up quickly as another spot opened, and drove to that pump. As soon as I pulled up, the car died. I knew then that God was not going to let me go on this journey alone. He had indeed taken the wheel.
It was only one reminder of many that I was never alone. It was also a promise that God was going to take me from the destruction and brokenness and create it into something new. It has been a couple years since this miracle has happened and I see where God came swooping and took the wheel.
There's a quote by A.W Tozer that says, "faith is not merely a journey for the feet, but it is a journey for the heart." When I cried out to God I had little faith. But even the faith of a mustard seed can move mountains, and a cry from the heart can move an Almighty God. When your world is crashing down around you, and you feel you can't go on any longer, all you have to say is Jesus. You can whisper it, you can scream it out, just call on Him.
"Call to me, and I will show you great and mighty things, which you do not know about." Jeremiah 33:3
"I took my trouble to the Lord; I cried out to Him and He answered my prayer." Psalm 120:1
It's never too late to change your direction. you're never too far where God can't save you. You're never too broken where God can't use you. When you ask God to take the wheel you also have to hand him the keys. Let that prayer for help be your steering wheel, not your spare tire. God doesn't just have a plan for your life, He has many plans to get you to your purpose. God has already prepared the way, and this journey is just preparing you. Let Jesus take the wheel.
