Two years with someone doesn't seem to be a long time right? I mean, for being a junior in college, this was my longest relationship and the struggles I encountered through this relationship didn't seem to make the relationship go any faster. It may not seem long, but it is after you get to know someone within those two years on a deep, intense level.
Long story short, we met freshman year, lasted the summer, and all of sophomore year, but due to personal issues he was dealing with, he changed. He no longer cared about the person he was sleeping next to at night. He cared about his weight loss, computer games, and another item I choose to not discuss. I was no longer seen as the girlfriend who washed his clothes or bought him whatever he wanted. I was seen as a maid and from what I heard him tell his friend on the phone when he didn't know I was around, I was seen as nothing more than aggravation.
To no surprise, everything seemed to cause a strain on how I looked at him. On the 23rd of May, we both agreed that no relationship was better than the hell hole we found ourselves living in. Of course he wanted to stay friends, but in a few short weeks, that proved to be a joke because we both ended up blocking each other after a late night call left both of us fed up.
Two years is a long time to spend with someone, but it becomes even longer after you go through your brain searching through memories, realizing that the relationship was doomed to start with. Everything seems to stop and then slowly before you know it, your perspective on the world and those in it change. Memories can be sweet, but some can leave a bittersweet taste and that's how it was in my case.
This article is in no way meant to tear him down, nor do I want to. In truth, I will always love him and the sweet guy that he used to be, but I have accepted that I will never be IN love with him again and that's okay. This article is for anyone who has or who is going through the break up process such as myself and in need of reassurance. I know I needed it and I am glad to return the favor for anyone reading this who may need it.
It is okay for things to fall apart. Not everything in life will go as planned and that is perfectly okay. It is also normal to have moments or days when YOU fall apart. You can't keep the anxiety, sadness, or depression from the break up bottled up. Crying out, screaming, or just doing something calming can help much more than you think. Going out and having fun is not a break up sin. Enjoying yourself, your time, and your life is exactly what anyone needs to do after a break up. Go to that bar, have a few drinks, dance all night, and be merry. Do not allow anyone, not even your ex, to define what you do after a break up. Many people, especially your ex, will try to give you their two cents on how to overcome this entire break up, but please take whatever advice that is given lightly. YOU are the one who knows what YOU need to do, even when you might not think this to be true. So with that said, make up your own advice and listen to your instincts. Lastly, do not ever allow anyone or yourself to question your self-worth. We can be our own worse enemies and so can those around us, but please do not let anyone make you question if you are good enough. Do NOT even allow yourself to question it. You are worthy of any good that comes your way and no one, not even you, should question that.
When everything is all said and done, the void will be filled and happiness will find its way back to you. Everything takes time, but do not stay too involved within the break up to lose track of all that is ahead of you for the long run. Not everyday will be easy and not everyone is on your side, but if you are able, try to focus that negative energy from the break up into a positive retreat in finding yourself again. A break up changes many things, even you and finding who you are and what makes you happy again can lead you on the right track to conquering those break up blues. If you can't live with them, learn to live without them.
