Once upon a time in a land not so far away, I fell in love with the boy who I thought was my Prince Charming. Maybe it was poor judgement, or maybe my vision was clouded by what I thought was real love, but I couldn't have been more wrong.
Not long after I knew I had fallen in love, something started to change. This boy who won me over with his charm and doting ways was becoming someone who I didn't recognize, someone I didn't want to recognize. His doting became controlling, but worse than that, his "love" was shown through violence. He controlled where I went, what I wore, what I did, and who I was with. For no reason at all, I was criticized, put down, and torn apart, but I couldn't get away from him.
If you haven't been in an abusive relationship then you probably don't understand. Before I was trapped in one, I couldn't understand why any self-respecting girl would allow herself to be in that situation and stay in it. I would have been furious if a woman I knew was demoralizing herself like that when she could easily just leave. And I would have been completely wrong in thinking that.
An abusive relationship isn't like a pool of sharks; you can't tell that anything is wrong on the surface. It's more like quicksand, because nothing looks wrong until you're already in it. You don't look down until you're already knee deep, and when you try to wiggle out, you only get sucked in deeper. Waist deep. Chest deep. Neck deep. Before you realize it, you're in over your head.
But just like quicksand, getting out isn't impossible. If you ever find yourself in some swamp, beach, or any other place where quicksand exists, here's a quick (no pun intended) tip: If you can hold onto something or someone outside of the quicksand, you can pull yourself out. When I first saw the relationship I was in wasn't healthy, I tried to wiggle my way out a few times before I realized that I couldn't do it on my own. To get away from that toxic relationship, I had to hold onto people outside of it; when I finally did, I was able to get away for good.
I let a boy hit me because I didn't think I deserved any better. I let a boy hit me because I was convinced that nobody cared. I let a boy hit me because he convinced me that he loved me. I was wrong about it all. I did deserve better, people did care, and he didn't love me because he didn't know how to. Abusive relationships are toxic to a person's mind, body, and soul; no one deserves that.
I let a boy hit me, but I never will again.
