If I’ve learned anything in my 20 years of life, it’s that some of the most important lessons are the ones that no one can teach us: the ones we must learn on our own.

We’ve all been in that situation, the one where we ask a friend or a parent for advice because we want to know what we should do. But we only end up choosing the decision that we already—seemingly subconsciously—chose. I think this is because with most things, we do what we want to do and we figure the rest out on our own the hard way, but sometimes that's the best way.

Your mom can't teach you that not everybody is honest. I think most of us grow up trusting most people with all of our fragile childlike hearts, only for that fragile heart to grow harder and harder each time you’re let down by even the person you felt you could trust the most. That's alright, though, you learn to value those who you can really depend on 10 times more.

No one can teach you that you may lose the best friend you grew up with, that it didn’t matter if you’d known each other since the beginning of your elementary school years. It didn’t matter how many secrets you shared, how many sleepovers you had, or how many times you considered them a sister. Sometimes, day after day, you and that friend may grow apart and in a way, it may be okay.

No one can teach you that you should probably keep your plans loose. Growing up, adults love hearing from the perfect youngster who has his or her life in order. We are rewarded for planning since the day we can comprehend words and organization. However, no one teaches you that your plans will fall through. That the universe will have different plans for you, and sometimes you’ll end up somewhere completely different than where you planned to be. But you have to learn that this is also okay.

No one teaches you that when the impossible happens or when tragedy strikes, yes you can handle it. We don’t know our own strengths until that day comes though. And you’ll be tested more than once on your own strength to far surpass the next obstacle ahead. At some point in our lives, almost every person has faced something we feel we can’t overcome. The only time you realize that you can is that one day when you suddenly wake up, the clouds have shifted and you just feel a little bit better than the day before.

No one teaches you that words really do matter. The whole “sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me” phrase is erroneous and we learn so the older we get. Words actually do matter, from others to us and from us to others. Even if we don’t think our words will make an impact, we should choose them carefully. Being me, I’ve learned I tend to blurt the automatic thought that comes to mind, but I have learned I can be offensive even if I didn’t mean to. Words matter, they hurt, they heal, and we should just use them wisely.

No one teaches you that you define what it means to have a meaningful life. We aren’t all going to end up in the same place, and you shouldn’t compare where you are in your life to someone else - even if that person is someone you admire. Attitude is everything - a concept I’m still trying to grasp myself. You decide what you think it means to have a meaningful life and do that. Plan around your thoughts and passions and then you’ll be more satisfied with the outcome.