The novel "Anna Karenina" by Leo Tolstoy is one of the greatest novels of all time. The relationship between Anna Karenina and a military officer Alexei Vronsky is arguably the most prominent and memorable relationship in the novel. Their relationship is a very complex one to analyze, but I believe that there is too much to be learned from it to not delve deeply into it and see all that is right and, more importantly, what is very truly wrong from the very start.
From the first moment they meet, it is very clear that there is a level of physical attraction between Anna and Vronsky. There are several things that are crucial to note about them that exist prior to the beginning of their relationship. Anna is already married to a high-standing lawmaker, Alexei Karenin. They have been married for a few years at this point. Vronsky also is involved with someone: Anna’s younger cousin Kitty. This means that both Anna and Vronsky are involved in romantic relationships while they are pursuing each other.
The relationship between Anna and Vronsky was blissful for a while and began on a happy note for the most part. After the two of them decided to continue with their feelings for each other and begin a real romantic relationship, they were in a very passionate period of time. They were very physically and sexually passionate, and it drove most of their feelings for each other to be centered around that physical pleasure that they derived from the other person. They were extremely connected all the time and were constantly telling each other how they admired the other. In addition to this, Vronsky left Kitty to be with Anna, and Anna told her husband about her affair so that neither of them would have anything to hide from anyone since it turned out that Anna was having Vronsky’s child.
Aside from the major fact that they were both in monogamous relationships while they were pursuing each other, there were many problems with their relationship that made it very obviously unhealthy. Although Anna tells her husband about the affair and it seems like he has stepped back from their relationship to let Anna pursue Vronsky, he is really crushed by learning this. It is also a huge social embarrassment to him, as his position in the government means that many people are involved in his everyday affairs and therefore find out about his marriage troubles fairly quickly from socialite gossip.
Another major issue to point out is the age difference between Anna and Vronsky. While age is not necessarily something that should hinder a relationship and is not always a problem, it becomes a tremendous focal point of issues in the relationship. Anna is around ten years Vronsky’s senior, and this comes to create animosity in Anna as, down the road in their relationship, Anna continuously accuses Vronsky of trying to leave her for a younger, more suitable bride.
As a matter of fact, even before their relationship starts, Vronsky had really been the driving force in getting them together. After meeting and dancing with Anna one night at a ball, he continuously showed up at any event where Anna would be and was relentless in his very obvious efforts to court this married socialite woman with a child.
Vronsky is so dedicated to being with Anna that he basically gives up everything to be with her. His friends, his family, and his military respect are all sacrificed without much hesitation in his efforts to be with Anna. This is extremely unhealthy, not only because it is bad to give up things that you love for a partner, but because if things don’t work out with that partner, you don’t have anything or anyone to fall back on.
Even the very foundation of their relationship is not one that is strong like it should be. Their relationship was based purely on physical attraction, and while that is pleasant for a while, it will ultimately be something that runs out after time. They really did not have much in common except for the fact that they loved each other’s bodies and each other’s attention.
The relationship between Anna and Vronsky was not a healthy one and eventually led to Anna’s demise. The individuals in the relationship did and didn’t meet the conditions for a healthy relationship. The first criteria I learned to use for a healthy relationship, “I know and like myself,” was true for Anna prior to their relationship, but not during it, especially near the end. She was always questioning Vronsky’s love for her because of how insecure she felt next to him. She felt that she wasn’t good enough for this strapping young successful military officer and that he definitely was either having an affair of his own, or he was going to leave her.
Vronsky is a bit harder to analyze in respect to this criteria, but he seemed to never have a self-confidence issue for very long, especially after he and Anna were together. He absolutely degraded himself to get her, but even still, he never put himself down, he just treated it like a goal he wanted to accomplish.
Another important criterion for a relationship is the “I know and like my partner” aspect. Neither of them had any serious problems with this. Throughout their relationship, most of the problems Anna and Vronsky had stemmed from their issues with themselves or other people. This would probably be the area where they succeeded most in.
For the last criteria, “My partner knows and likes me,” it is again complicated. Clearly, the couple was very in love and they both were very devoted to each other, but this alone was not enough for Anna. She often accused Vronsky of cheating on her and said that she knew he didn’t love her anymore when he actually never even implied, let alone said, anything remotely like that to her.
All Vronsky ever expressed to Anna was absolute love, and always reassured Anna when she would ask him and even made sure to just say it anyways. However, this was still not enough for Anna. The level of reassurance that she needed was absurd and unrealistic for someone to fulfill. Meanwhile, Vronsky struggled with this because he had to always be there for Anna when she was having doubts about him, and it took a toll on his outlook on their relationship, although he never stopped trying to reassure her.
The relationship between Anna and Vronsky could have been much better, had they been trying to improve themselves and meet the three conditions for a healthy relationship. The major thing that could have solved or avoided many of the couple’s problems would have been Anna being more self-assured and confident in herself. If she had stepped back and realized that her relationship with Vronsky should have had nothing to do with how much she loved herself, then maybe she wouldn’t have questioned everything so much and would have been much happier and more satisfied.
Something that Vronsky could have done better to improve their relationship would have been to let Anna decide on her own if she wanted to actually begin a relationship with him. Vronsky basically backed Anna into an emotional corner and left her feeling vulnerable and like this was going to be the best thing to ever happen to her and like nothing else would every satisfy her like Vronsky would.
Overall, I think that the relationship between Anna and Vronsky was not a healthy relationship. I still believe that if they had the tools that were taught to me and if they utilized them, that they would not have ended up the way that they did, with Anna killing herself in the end, leaving Vronsky to be alone.
