"Jersey Shore" was a reality TV show that probably no one really knows why it ever aired, but it did, and it gave us plenty of entertainment. Along with entertainment, however, this show obviously gave us plenty of lessons that we learned while watching the show. I picked out the most important, crucial lessons that the world learned from the cast of this iconic reality show, starting with why the ocean is salty.

Now we all know why the ocean water is so salty -- its from all of that whale sperm floating around in there. Mystery solved, so no need to go any further with research.

And we did not know this until now, either, Pauly D, so thank you.

I'm still not quite sure what this means, but to those who do, you learned a whole new way to pick up girls in Miami.

Be sure not to get this one mixed up, ladies and gents. Two very different things that we are now made aware of.

He taught us that even the littlest, simplest things can mean the world to someone. Always look out for your friends, man.

This is actually a pretty solid lesson, so here's shoutout to you, Vinny, for teaching us something even remotely relevant.

Wise words from Sammi "Sweatheart" -- another actual decent lesson that all people would like to hear every now and then.

Last but not least, we are now back to lessons with Snooki and learning about why the lesbian rate in the country is going up, thanks to her completely plausible hypothesis.

So, overall, we can all clearly see that "Jersey Shore" helped us learn vital lessons that we can hang onto for the rest of our lives. Hey, if you're trying to impress someone with your knowledge, try throwing one of these facts that you learned at them -- I bet they'll be speechless.

Sidenote: special shoutout to @OdysseyRejects on Twitter who helped stem the idea for this satirical article!