I’m trying not to get too riled up about this, as when I think about it, I get super stressed out about it all over again. So here goes my best shot at this.

The experience of the “bad boss” is something that everyone says that every person has to go through. I say otherwise. I don’t think it’s right for someone to be able to disrespect, dehumanize, be hateful towards, et cetera their employees. I know this is a common thought out there, as no one likes experiencing these things, so why is no one talking about it? Why are we allowing this as a culture? Why do we not believe that we deserve better and stand up for that belief?

I’m a waitress, for those of you, albeit most of you, who don’t know this about me. I’m a very good waitress at that. I’ve always thought it was a calling of mine to serve others, and I found that calling fulfilled in the restaurant business. I’ve waitressed for quite a few years now, and I’ve proven my skill in this area, but like everyone, I can have a bad day. Recently, that bad day happened to be when I was in the busiest and biggest section of the restaurant with a section partner who is prone to stressing out at importune times and stressing their section partner out along with them. So, pardon my French when I say shit hit the fan multiple times this particular morning. And this also happened to be the morning that my boss decided to put my serving skills on trial without actually telling me that I was being put to the test.

I think we all know that feeling of walking into a classroom and finding out there’s a test that you didn’t know you had, and walking out of that test realizing that you failed. I recognized my failures from that morning. I knew it wasn’t the best service ever. I also knew I did the best I could with what was given to me. But sometimes our best isn’t enough, and it’s a lot easier for a customer to write a complaint than to give a compliment. And this complaint gave my boss all the fuel they needed for the next morning when they visited the restaurant.

Now, I’m not the kind of person who can’t handle constructive criticism. I take it really well, so reading the message the disappointed customers sent the next morning was enough to know what went wrong the day before, even though I knew exactly what went wrong while it was happening. The room was messy, food was slow, servers were frazzled. All of these things were addressed by the customers. Things I don’t take well are personal attacks in front of my coworkers and customers, which is exactly what happened the morning of the email. My boss reiterated what the email said, called my service unacceptable, and then commented on my hair and clothes. My boss told me that my hair, which was all up and away from my face per dress-code, was not going to work because of the fly-aways and few hairs falling out of a messy bun, both of which are basically unavoidable during physical work with hair as long as mine is. My boss also told me that I had to make sure I had no food or stains on my clothes when approaching customers (I work in a restaurant… so we see how ridiculous this request is, right?? Especially when customers call you over while you're attempting to clean dirty tables). There were many speculations and demands made in five minutes about who I am. And I have never felt so embarrassed about who I am as an employee or as a person before in my life. I have never felt so disrespected or dehumanized.

Let me spend a minute telling you the kind of employee I actually am, and specifically on that day. I’d spent most of that week and one prior at work all day, picking up shifts from people who needed to give up their shifts for doctor’s appointments, kids, so on and so forth, even though I was already scheduled for many shifts on my own and still recovering from serving all of graduation weekend. That morning, I served around twelve tables while the rest of the restaurant saw around five. I’d ran most of the section’s food and bussed most of the section’s tables without complaint. I was one of the last people in the restaurant that morning, though I was one of the only ones coming back for a second shift. I was also the only one to notice that the restaurant didn’t have any silverware rolled for the night shift, so with what little time I had between shifts, I spent a few minutes getting food from down the road, and the rest rolling silverware. I only left the restaurant for twenty minutes compared to the eleven hours of work I was there that day. I am a hard worker. I am someone who takes pride in where they work and will strive for my place of employment’s success.

I am still that employee, despite all that I have recently experienced.

Everyone says that you have to experience a “bad boss” at least once in your life. That you learn something from it. All I have learned from this experience is that no one deserves to feel like they are nothing, or that they’re not good enough.

Some people don’t belong in the service industry. It takes a lot of different skills and a lot of time and patience. But it is up to that person to decide whether or not they can handle that job. No one should be disrespected for doing their best, despite what their best looks like. No one should feel ashamed of themselves. And an employer should never, everfeel the need to give their employees any sense of shame or doubt. An employer’s job is to support their employees, not just sign their name on some checks.

Employees: Never allow yourself to leave work crying because of mean things your employer has said to you like I let myself do that day. You deserve to feel dignified when you're trying your hardest. Never feel ashamed of who you are, or what you look like if you know you’re doing your job the best that you can. Never allow yourself to be bullied into silence.

Employers: Don’t be the reason your employee is leaving your establishment in tears. That is completely unacceptable if you ask me. Don’t make your employees feel like they’ve failed when you haven’t given them the right tools to succeed with. And never scare your employees into silence. Your business will never succeed if your employees aren't happy.

Those who benefit from customer service: Never take your servers, retail workers, fast food employees for granted. You don’t know what their day has been like before they got to you. You don’t know what goes on behind the scenes. We’re told to hide whatever is going on behind a smile. You never know what a little bit of kindness could do for someone serving you.

I've learned a lot from my experience. I will never let myself leave work crying again.

And one last thing: