I was a lucky kid. My parents were born in 1953 and 1957; their friends are mostly the same age. Growing up around so many Baby Boomers has had a tangible effect on my personal development. Honestly, I couldn't be more grateful.
As a millennial, I have the privilege of experiencing the most socially advanced United States to-date. Intense research into cancer, Alzheimer’s disease and HIV/AIDS is ongoing. Inclusion of queer representation has even meshed with television shows, with two personal favorites “Modern Family” and “Grace & Frankie.” I get to grow up with Snapchat, Chipotle and Netflix.
I also have the additional privilege to have been raised by some of the most fabulous women who were steeped in the unique culture created by and for women of the Baby Boomer generation.
They gave birth and got married before Pinterest. They survived intense exposure to hairspray in the 1980s. These women were part of the transition into third wave feminism, the generation that tried to integrate civil rights into the fabric of our culture and the figures who set the direct foundations for strong women today.
Growing up with a great mom, step-mom, fabulous aunts and involved and diverse family friends of the Baby Boomer generation have taught me priceless lessons. Here are just a few.
1. Menopause is real, and the time to prepare yourself is now
I specifically remembering my mom talking about menopause with the mother of one of my best friends. I was in middle school and I recall stories of ‘mania’ and ‘changes.’
It didn’t make much sense at the time, especially because I wasn’t yet interested in understanding hormonal influences on emotions and the body, but damn did it scare me. I paid attention to everything she said about the subject. My step-mom was also extremely transparent about the transition, and would answer any question I had.
Even though I was still adjusting to having my period, I began to see the larger picture that is the cycle of changes everyone experiences throughout life. Understanding that unease when moving to a new phase is valid, I became more comfortable discussing concerns and thoughts.
I wasn’t nervous because I was a kid, because I saw my parents wonder about their own unfamiliar changes; I learned that I was nervous because I didn’t know, and talking to my friends and doing research about my experiences are the best remedies for unease.
2. Doing things that you love, with people that you love, is the best way to spend time
When I go places with my women, it’s never about the photos, the clothes, the money or the attention. It’s about the people and genuine conversations; it’s focused on good music that provides a sense of community; it’s concerned with the atmosphere of comfort, joy and love.
One night, a wonderful family friend, Deb, invited my family over for dinner. Her house was filled with warm orange light and the smell of an amazing spaghetti dinner -- garlic bread, salad, wine and cheese included.
She’s notorious for asking damn good questions -- the kind of questions we all want to be asked, and that uncover passions and interests we sometimes put aside when communicating. Learning about each other, people that have known one another for lifetimes, over thoughtfully-prepared food was so special. Food and family is truly priceless.
3. Laughter is the secret to staying young
Some of my earliest memories are the sounds of my mom and her two sisters laughing. I remember being really young and watching them fall apart with laughter, over some mysterious topic. It wasn’t uncommon that one of them would pee themselves from laughing too hard. Those are true #goals for friendship, I think.
As I grew up, I began to understand their humor on a personal level. The secret to their delight wasn’t the topic -- it was the joy shared by women who loved and understood each other. Relationships are never perfect, but shared happiness comes close.
4. People are complicated and difficult creatures
Beyond the laughter is a very real challenge faced by many women, I know. Individuality can be extremely damaging when it isn’t checked in order to respect the differences of another person.
Misunderstandings are sometimes common, which is to be expected when strong women make their space in life. However, I’ve watched so many relationships heal and become stronger because the women who find gratitude in their hearts have the humility and love to persevere.
5. Insightful and honest communication is key to living a happy life
Perhaps I read too many of the books my mom and step-mom had (Chelsea Handler’s works, Denise Jackson’s “It’s All About Him,” “Eat, Pray, Love,” or my own unexpected purchase, “Mennonite in a Little Black Dress”), but I found a recurring theme: open and effective communication -- yes, even in Chelsea's books.
The theory is that being honest, mature, relaxed and forgiving will allow healthy relationships to bloom and that undeserving characters will naturally gravitate away from us (or that we will be able to identify them and leave on our own).
Applied, albeit with an amateur approach, I think the techniques really work. When I model myself after the independent, hardworking, determined and loving women in my life, I’m reminded of the rewards that come from communicating well. When we act toward others with purpose, our relationships become more fulfilling. It’s a cycle that benefits everyone involved.
I’ve been to many baby showers, Weekenders clothing parties, playdates and family gatherings to not have fallen in love with the happiness the women in my life exude. Life is unpredictable and sometimes hurtful, but devotion to a forgiving approach makes our time on earth amazing.
Letting go of expectations and finding joy in the unpredictable life events -- big and small -- makes so many wise women appear to be endlessly youthful. Laughter from the stomach and the heart resounds most sweetly. Allowing that comfortable wisdom to guide our lives opens up a world of happiness, love and growth.
