Lessons from Past Relationships | The Odyssey Online
Start writing a post
Politics and Activism

Lessons from Past Relationships

“When you know, you know”

4
Lessons from Past Relationships
My mom

Over the years, I’ve had my fair share of relationships, flings, and flirtationships. Although I can’t actually say that I’ve experience every possible situation, it sure feels like it. Recently, I’ve looked at all my past relationships and compared them to my parents’ marriage, the healthiest relationship I’ve ever seen in my lifetime. Here’s what I’ve learned:

1. Evaluate the signs they’re giving you.

There are so many signs that you can look at that I could write a whole article on those alone, but the biggest sign is effort. If he or she isn't putting forth the effort to make time for you, then is this something that is even worth your time? Actions speak louder than words, after all.

2. Take your friends’ opinions into consideration.

Honestly, if you and your friends aren’t talking about your significant other or their potential as one, are you even really friends? Your closest friends can pick up on things that you can’t because it’s so easy to be blinded by infatuation. It’s always a good sign if your friends are excited for you, but it never bodes well if your friends have a poor opinion of your significant other.

I wholeheartedly believe that your friends make or break the relationship. Wasn’t it the Spice Girls that said you have to get with my friends, if you wannabe my lover? There’s a reason that song was so popular, ladies and gents.

3. You should never, at any point, feel insecure.

As someone with anxiety, I’m constantly reminded of my insecurities. Your relationship should not be one of them, period, end of story.

Looking back at all my past relationships, I’m reminded of some where I know I just wasn’t myself. I was quiet and reserved, but I’m actually a very loud and outgoing person that loves being around people. I recall always feeling like I would do something wrong, or that I wasn’t going to be cool enough for the other person to be dating me. On the other hand, I’ve remembered some where I was completely at ease, where I could be my goofy self and not feel judged at all. This is how it should be. You should never feel oppressed in a relationship or feel like you’re constantly being judged. Society does that enough to us; we don’t need the one person who should love every flaw and strength of ours to do the same.

4. Be confident in who you are to know you deserve the best.

You set standards for everything you do, so why shouldn’t your relationship be a part of that list? Granted, you won’t reach perfection, but you can get pretty damn close. Don’t settle for less just because you’re lonely or don’t think you deserve anything more. Everyone deserves to have a fairytale come true. It just takes a little faith, trust, and pixie dust.

5. Relationships are friendships on steroids.

Strong relationships are rooted by a mutual interest in both parties wanting the other to grow and achieve their fullest potential. I see this everyday in my parents. My mom followed my dad as he pursued his career in the Air Force and eventually as a pilot, and he supports her everyday as she deals with the daily grind of a 9 to 5. I have left a relationship because I felt like I was helping him achieve his dreams, but he wasn’t helping me achieve mine. It is just so important that both people have goals, separate of a successful relationship, that they can and do achieve in order for them to be happy together.

Your significant other should be your greatest best friend. That person knows you so much more intimately than your other best friends, and I don’t mean in the physical sense. They know everything from your hopes and your fears, your dreams and your regrets, down to your darkest secrets. They should be just opposite enough of you that they compliment you, all while having the same interests.

6. You can be independent of and dependent on each other at the same time.

This is one of the biggest points to me. I have lost so many friends to relationships that either weren’t healthy or eventually ended. Don’t get me wrong though, I was always happy for them. I simply believe you shouldn’t have to sacrifice friendships for romantic relationships, especially if you were friends long before. I know I said your significant other should be your best friend, but it is possible to have more than one best friend. It’s awesome that you get along with him or her so well and enjoy each other’s company, but taking one day out of the month for your other friends is not that hard to accommodate just to show that you still care.

Depend on your significant other all you want, but be independent enough to say you need time with your friends that were there before your significant other was there, and will be there long after he or she has left you.

7. Relationships are a two way street.

Somehow, amidst all of the romance and the chaos, we forget this simple but influential fact. It all comes back to effort, once again. You shouldn’t have to give your all, if your significant other is only giving you half. Nothing feels worse than having your efforts go to waste. Even your feelings should be reciprocated. If they aren't, then how can you be secure in your relationship?

8. That cliché break up line, “It’s not you, it’s me,” is the truest statement you will ever hear.

You know who you are when you enter into a relationship. If your significant other is not okay with your priorities and morals, then that is his or her own problem to evaluate on their own. I had an ex break up with me because I spent too much time with my friends and not enough with him. At the time, I was devastated of course, but if you couldn’t tell by my previous point, friends are important to me. He could have hung out with me and my friends if he wanted to see me so badly, just as I did for him, but he didn’t. In hindsight, he did me a favor.

So, you should thank whoever it is that said it to you. They just made your life so much easier.

9. Trust is the major key.

This one is pretty self explanatory, right? Good. Lord, help the one that screws this Filipina over.

10. When you know, you know

Vague, I know; that’s what I first thought when my mom said it to me. But then, my aunt told me the same thing, and a year after that, my other aunt said it too! All of them have been married for over 30 years; so clearly, there is some justification behind this statement. Ever since then, it’s something I’ve always kept in the back of my mind. You can’t force something like this; when it happens, it happens.

“but dear, don’t be afraid of love, it’s only magic” ― R.M. Drake

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Entertainment

Most Epic Aurora Borealis Photos: October 2024

As if May wasn't enough, a truly spectacular Northern Lights show lit up the sky on Oct. 10, 2024

3184
stunning aurora borealis display over a forest of trees and lake
StableDiffusion

From sea to shining sea, the United States was uniquely positioned for an incredible Aurora Borealis display on Thursday, Oct. 10, 2024, going into Friday, Oct. 11.

It was the second time this year after an historic geomagnetic storm in May 2024. Those Northern Lights were visible in Europe and North America, just like this latest rendition.

Keep Reading...Show less
 silhouette of a woman on the beach at sunrise
StableDiffusion

Content warning: This article contains descriptions of suicide/suicidal thoughts.

When you are feeling down, please know that there are many reasons to keep living.

Keep Reading...Show less
Relationships

Power of Love Letters

I don't think I say it enough...

449636
Illistrated image of a letter with 2 red hearts
StableDiffusion

To My Loving Boyfriend,

  • Thank you for all that you do for me
  • Thank you for working through disagreements with me
  • Thank you for always supporting me
  • I appreciate you more than words can express
  • You have helped me grow and become a better person
  • I can't wait to see where life takes us next
  • I promise to cherish every moment with you
  • Thank you for being my best friend and confidante
  • I love you and everything you do

To start off, here's something I don't say nearly enough: thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you from the bottom of my heart. You do so much for me that I can't even put into words how much I appreciate everything you do - and have done - for me over the course of our relationship so far. While every couple has their fair share of tiffs and disagreements, thank you for getting through all of them with me and making us a better couple at the other end. With any argument, we don't just throw in the towel and say we're done, but we work towards a solution that puts us in a greater place each day. Thank you for always working with me and never giving up on us.

Keep Reading...Show less
Lifestyle

11 Signs You Grew Up In Hauppauge, NY

Because no one ever really leaves.

21741
Map of Hauppauge, New York
Google

Ah, yes, good old Hauppauge. We are that town in the dead center of Long Island that barely anyone knows how to pronounce unless they're from the town itself or live in a nearby area. Hauppauge is home to people of all kinds. We always have new families joining the community but honestly, the majority of the town is filled with people who never leave (high school alumni) and elders who have raised their kids here. Around the town, there are some just some landmarks and places that only the people of Hauppauge will ever understand the importance or even the annoyance of.

Keep Reading...Show less
Lifestyle

Moana's Top 10 Life Tips

"Moana" is filled with life lessons that involve far more than finding true love as many other Disney movies do.

44744
Animated image of a woman with long dark hair and tattoos
StableDiffusion

1. It's easy to be fooled by shiny things.

Digital image of shiny gemstones in cased in gold. shiny things StableDiffusion

Tamatoa created a liar filled with shiny things simply for the purpose of tricking fish to enter and become his food. He too experiences a lesson in how easy it is to be tricked by shiny things when Moana distracts him by covering herself in glowing algae so Maui can grab his hook.

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments