Once upon a time, I cared very deeply for a boy. He broke my heart and left me dazed and confused and hateful. All I wanted was for him to care as much about me as I did for him, but he made it extremely clear that would never happen.
It was your average high school break up, even though it seemed like the world was ending at the time. It wasn't. In the midst of all this drama (most of which I brought upon myself), I learned an important lesson. One thing he said to me really stuck with me, in a positive way...
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"You have to learn to be happy with yourself before you can be happy with someone else".
Who knew break ups at 17 years old could be so insightful?
At first. when he said this, it went in one ear and out the other. I didn't want to hear it. I wanted to be right and him to be wrong and to have a perfect happy ending. Life doesn't always work that way, I learned. The older I get, the more I realize how right he was.
At just 16 years old, I was depending on this guy to be my primary source of happiness. I wanted to spend every waking moment getting to know him and talking to him and hanging out with him. It took me one month to decide he was "the one" (not sure how I came to that conclusion). He was the only thing I was paying attention to, even with the AP test and finals coming up. He obviously had noticed this. I was depending so much on his presence for my happiness that when I no longer had it, I felt lost and 100 percent alone.
This was two and half years ago, but I feel like I've just recently remembered this statement and taken it to heart. The good news is that I think it finally got through to me.
I have a boyfriend currently. He makes me happy and I love spending time with him. The difference is that I'm not depending on him to make me happy with who I am. Slowly but surely, I'm able to be happy with both myself and my relationship at the same time. I am looking in the mirror and looking at my life and loving myself for the person that I am. I don't see "_____________'s girlfriend" as my only quality. I see someone with a heart for serving others, I see someone beautiful and fit, and a hard worker. The way that it should be.
I'm still not perfect and sometimes I still struggle with loving myself, just like everyone else. It's hard to be confident every single day, but it isn't hard to show others what makes you shine. Love yourself first so you can love someone else wholeheartedly.
