Women in my life used to talk about "dating around" in which you would have a date each weekend with a different person. I used to roll my eyes and think to myself, "that just isn't how it works." And after having gone through not one, but three tumultuous relationships, I've finally understood why they say that. But it still just isn't how it works.
I was raised to believe that relationships mean something, by proxy, I'm a date to marry kind of girl (I'm one of the few that still keeps a hope chest). I don't attach my name to a cigarette daydream. As a youngin' I was a little more liberal with my willingness to start a relationship like this. Then I got my heart truly broken and it taught me a few things...well, it's still teaching me a few things.
1. I Finally Understand The Concept Of "Dating Around"
Singleness is something I never enjoyed until now. I'm much happier depending on myself for everything than I am depending on someone else. I don't have to say "I'll have to see what ____ has planned this weekend" before I agree to hanging out with friends. And dating around isn't about (*ahem*) throwing your kitty around, in fact, I do not condone that. It's about surveying your options of available bachelors before you finally find the one that gets it. By "it", I mean all of your expectations of a partner. It also means you can have a good time without the pressure of showing off. Dating around has allowed me to understand that I should just be myself, and not try to peacock and show off my best qualities. I'm gonna be me and if I'm not the kind of girl you're looking for, it's no skin off my nose.
2. Undefined Standards Are A Recipe For Heart Break
Do some soul searching, and figure out EXACTLY what you want. If you can't put that into words, then don't expect a potential partner to be able to meet that vaguely defined standard. Defining your standards means you're less likely to be heartbroken whenever someone fails to meet them. It's absolutely okay to be picky. Picky means Mr. Right is less relationships away than he would be if you accepted men that didn't exactly meet your standard, but you thought "eh, this is good enough." I read a quote one time that said "A girl should be like a butterfly. Pretty to see, hard to catch."
3. Relationship Entitlement Is The Plague Of The Young Dating World
Guys, agreement to the first date does not guarantee you a second one, nor does it mean that you are now the man in her life. It's like when you're looking for a snack (lol, you lookin' like a snack). When you open your pantry and survey the options in front of you, you are not going to be repulsed by everything else just because you found some jerky. You're going to look at and maybe pick up a couple different things before you commit to anything. There are different kinds of snacks that all have their own pros and cons; likewise, there are different kinds of people that all have their own pros and cons. So, guys, just because a girl agreed to a date does not mean she has committed herself to you entirely. Until you and her both clarify that you are beginning a serious relationship, you're just a slim-jim competing against a poptart. That doesn't mean there's a double standard either...y'all can date around too.
4. I Stopped Distrusting God
Whenever I want to share my anger, happiness, or sadness with someone, I have learned to pray about it and turn to God. I am finding comfort in reading the Bible and reading the posts from the Christian influenced Instagram account @embraceyoursingleness. I no longer put a wall up against my willingness to devote myself to reciprocating the love God has for me. In this way, it was a pleasure to have my heart broken. In a Facebook video I saw, Jentezen Franklin explains that you go through storms in life in order to receive a unique lesson about God's love, and this is what has given me comfort in my faith as opposed to anger.
