We have been conditioned to think that expressing yourself is not only a sign of weakness, but also as an open door for judgment. Don’t let the boy you like know how crazy you because he won’t like you. Don’t tell people about your problems because they won’t want to talk to you. Don’t talk about anything potentially controversial ever, because your difference in opinion will drive someone away.
People often hold back simply because of the fear of the unknown, when the reality is this “unknown” is probably a lot less scary than we expect.
Worst case scenario, someone disagrees with you or just doesn’t like what you have to say, which is an opinion that everyone is entitled to, but the only opinion that really matters is yours.
And that’s exactly my point, WHO CARES if people don’t appreciate your thoughts and ideas?
The real answer: no one.
People actually aren’t bothered by what you have to say, create, publish, etc. unless it’s offensive or affects them. In fact, it’s more likely that if you’re holding back what you have to say, you’re probably going to empower or inspire someone else to say what they have to say, or make more of a positive impact than a negative one.
And that’s been my biggest issue.
It’s about loving yourself and what you have to say to the world, or portray in any medium – whether that be a creative outlet like writing or art, or a more classically constructive one like in education or business.
The past year and a half has been what some might call a complete “shit show.”
Between the misunderstanding with the organization I tried to join at the beginning of college, the miscellaneous college bullshit, academic anxiety, boy drama, the loss of some of my best friends (one to a brain tumor and others to irreversible 18-year-old antics), and ultimately hitting my personal rock bottom, I’m still here, and not without scars to prove it…both literally and figuratively.
To family and professional and non-professional acquaintances, I felt the need to either lie about it or just emphasize the good parts. But then, I started to do that to everyone, so the people I trusted the most and came to about everything were suddenly in the dark.
Don’t get me wrong, you’re supposed to gauge your audience when talking about specific aspects of your life, but you’re not supposed to get so caught up in it that you leave out the people and things that are fundamental to who you are.
In light of everything that’s happened in the past year, I’m tired of having the good highlights be the weekly stories that I write for the university newspaper and my GPA, because those things do not define who I am.
My academic mediocrity is great, and I’m glad to continue to talk about it…
But I’ve gotten so caught up in leaving out some of the crap and even some of the good stuff (or at least what I consider good) that I’ve had a severe identity crisis.
I’ve forgotten about and almost abandoned the things that I love and the things that make me who I am. I just hide behind my GPA and general “things are going well” statements because it seemed easier that way; it seemed like that’s what people wanted to hear. But that’s not all there is to a person, even if it feels that way at times.
Managing anxiety is not fun, especially at this age. And it’s damn near impossible to make friends when you’re too afraid to put yourself out there and get close to people or be open to/with new people, due simple lack of self-confidence and a tendency to dwell on the past.
But the thing is, we can do something about it.
People are resilient, so long as we learn from our past and then leave it there.
Our experiences make us who we are, but our past doesn’t define who we are. We learn from the good, the bad, and the ugly and what we do with it shapes us into real-life people…even the things that we want to forget.
Sometimes we forget that we’re the writers of our own story, and it’s our job to take the things that happen and decide what happens next.
Sometimes we also forget that we get to decide what we value and what is important to us, and it’s okay to be different. It doesn’t always mean we’re wrong.
There’s a lot that can be said for speaking your mind. Hell, look at Donald Trump. If someone like that can can be confident saying nonsensical bullshit to millions of Americans and wake up everyday and be okay with who he is, then surely more people can speak out who have some better things to throw out into the world.
Not only that, but have people actually BUY IN because of his manner of speaking, simply because he’s confident.
If someone like him can do that, then why in God’s name can’t I be confident putting on the right pair of jeans before I leave my apartment?
People value different things, and that’s OKAY. In fact, it’s supposed to happen, otherwise life would be brutally boring.
The important thing is that we don’t let the values of others make us forget our own, and we don’t expect that we can change others’ values either.
The point is, you should never be afraid to tell your story. Sure, there are factors like timing and audience that make the content of your story more or less appropriate. So take advantage of it when you should, and do so with confidence.
To some who may see this, I sound silly, because they think this goes without saying. And honestly, it should, but for a lot of people it doesn’t happen over night and it doesn’t happen as soon as you decide that you want to live more confidently.
It’s a gradual process, that happens as you make each decision: feel good about your appearance before you leave your home, speak up in meetings or classes when you ordinarily wouldn’t dream of it, tell someone how you really feel (about them or anything else), create or do something that you’re passionate about and share it with the world.
Now I’m putting that silly cowardice in my rearview because I’m in love with my hypothetical ideas about the future, because that’s what makes me who I am and no one can take that away from me, just because they see things differently.
It’s only taken a year and a half to get here, and even though that has been the longest and arguably the worst year and a half of my life. I’m glad to see the other side of that, and I never in my wildest dreams thought that I would be here saying that to whomever takes the time to read this…and genuinely not worry about what other people think about it.
