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I Haven’t Had Sex In Over 2 Years, And This Is What I’ve Learned

Musings from your favorite neighborhood nympho.

Madeline Thomas

Oct 21, 2020

Ohio University

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I Haven’t Had Sex In Over 2 Years, And This Is What I’ve Learned

Dainis Graveris on Unsplash

1. You do not NEED to be having sex.

I'm hoping most people already know this, but I just wanted to remind everyone that, contrary to what our society says, you do not NEED to have sex by a certain age or in a certain setting (i.e. college). Having sex will not solve all of your problems (crazy, I know) and it does not somehow make you more mature or more like an adult. It's just not a necessity, no matter how much people may try to pressure you into it.

2. Masturbation is GREAT.

I'll be honest, I wouldn't have survived this quarantine without my trusty vibrator. Whether or not you have sex toys, watch porn, or read erotica, I promise masturbating will release some of that pent-up sexual frustration you've been feeling. Plus, it's a great way to get to know your body and to figure out what feels good to you for future reference. Just because don't have a partner doesn't mean you can't reach that big O.

3. It’s OK to be jealous of other people having sex.

Sexual frustration is totally normal, and so is jealousy! It can be really hard to listen to your friends' recount all of their sexual encounters if you're not getting any. If you don't want to hear the play-by-play from your friends' latest dick appointments, then there is absolutely nothing wrong with asking them to keep you out of the loop for that. Your sexual encounters will come eventually, and until then it's normal to envy the lucky people who are getting it on.

4. You will eventually get laid again, I promise.

If you're like me and are going through a bit of a dry spell, don't fret! There are many ways to get back into the swing of things, all you have to do is put the time and effort into it. There's nothing wrong with shaking things up and finding new a new partner, as long as you're safe about it. Or, if you're more like me, you can always go online and figure out what your next "treat-yo'-self" gift will be for when you get a little too lonely at night.

You can still be a sexual person without having sex, believe it or not. If you haven't had sex in a while, it's completely fine, trust me.

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Recommended for you

I Haven’t Had Sex In Over 2 Years, And This Is What I’ve Learned

Musings from your favorite neighborhood nympho.

In This Article:

1. You do not ​NEED ​to be having sex.

2. Masturbation is GREAT.

3. It’s OK to be jealous of other people having sex.

4. You will eventually get laid again, I promise.

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This isn't just for the single Pringles out there either, folks

Run Around Clanging Pots and Pans in Everyone's Face

Eat the Last Few Pigs in a Blanket

Pop Twelve White Grapes

Burn Something

Smash Things Against a Wall

Spontaneously Begin an Irish Jig

Call Your Mother

Throw a Coffee Table Out a Window

Sing "Auld Lang Syne" at the Top of Your Lungs

Do Some Squats

Swan Dive into a Nearly Freezing Body of Water

Take a Shot

Time to be merry and bright.

"First Noel" by Leslie Odom, Jr

"A Holly Jolly Christmas" by Burl Ives

"Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" by Kelly Clarkson

"All I Want for Christmas Is You" by Mariah Carey

"Christmas (Baby Please Come Home" by Michael Buble

"Last Christmas" by Taylor Swift

"The Christmas Song" by Josh Groban

"White Christmas" by Idina Menzel

"O Holy Night" by David Archuleta

"Believe" by Josh Groban

"Les cloches du hameau" by Celine Dion

Or at least try to do.

1. I will wake up (sorta) on time for class.

2. I will look decent for class.

3. I will go to the gym more.

4. I will go to the library and study more.

5. I will meet new people.

For those long nights that turn into mornings when the struggle is real.

1. Walk in motivated and ready to rock

2. Disappointed you let it get this bad

3. Distracted: When a 10-Minute Break Becomes an Hour

4. When the Yearning for Sleep Sneaks Up

5. In the words of Lorelai Gilmore "Coffee, Coffee, Coffee"

Oh, so done.

You need sleep, but also have 13 things due in the span of 4 days.

1. When it's December 1 and you have seven things due, three exams, and haven't slept in three days.

2. So you stress.

3. And cry.

4. Then call your mom to cry some more.

5. After the pep talk, you feel determined to get everything done.

6. But, now you're tired.

7. And really hungry.

8. Suddenly, it's 2 a.m. and you have only written three sentences and your paper is due in the morning.

9. You've made it to Friday... somehow.

10. Then Sunday hits and you find yourself back at the Lib.

11. So you cry some more.

12. But, you fight through the tears to get everything done because you're determined.

13. In the end, you feel on top of the world because you made it through the last week of class alive.

14. But, now it's finals week so good luck.

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1. You do not NEED to be having sex.

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