There are various male stereotypes a female can be involved with in the world of relationships—one being the traditional "bad boy" type. Even I, the "goody two-shoes," fell into the trap of one. Blonde hair, blue eyes, tall, and handsome. Who could blame me? His looks were everything a female young adult could ever hope for. However, his personality and traits were quite the opposite. This leads me to my top lessons learned from having a fling with a "bad boy:"
1. Never settle for less
First and foremost, if I have learned anything from being involved with a “bad boy,” it is to never settle for less. Upon meeting him, I was suffering from a heart-wrenching breakup, which led me to having poor cases of vulnerability and tolerance. I was vulnerable because I just wanted someone to fill the empty space in my heart. I was tired of hurting and thought having someone again could fix that. Oh, how wrong I was.
Tolerance was another story; the guy was no good for me and I knew it. He did not care for me nor my feelings in the least bit. He disrespected my morals, ignored me, ditched me, and walked all over me. However, I did not have true feelings for him, so I did the unthinkable: I let him. Just a few months later, I caught on and abruptly ended it sooner rather than later. How could I be so dumb? Loneliness should not be a gateway to settling for less, but instead finding peace in living life unaccompanied.
2. His lifestyle becomes my own
Secondly, while associating with a “bad boy,” I quickly learned that his lifestyle becomes my own. He was not a virgin—not that I judge this choice, I just was always committed to saving myself for marriage. He also was an avid smoker and drinker. All three involved habits I never wanted in a potential relationship, yet I let it slide. From the third time we hung out onward, he constantly had a beer in hand and excused himself to “have a smoky.” And although he did not entirely pressure me to have sex with him, there were occasional times where he touched me in a manner which implied what he wanted. Nevertheless, his lifestyle became an acceptable norm in my eyes. His drunken words, nicotine characterized kisses, and sensual hands were ordinary, rather than the extraordinary I once thought them to be.
3. I cannot change him
During my three months of involvement, I hoped he would change. I hoped he would wake up and realize he had someone to positively influence him. However, this was not the case. He was a 20-year-old male with not a care in the world. He was one who did not care to attend college, improve his part-time job, drop his poor habits, or make someone out of himself. The sad thing is, he had a lot of potential. He was outgoing, friendly, informative, and persuasive. These few wonderful traits diminish as he works part-time in the retail-like industry. He could truly be someone one day, yet he chooses to spend his evenings gaming, drinking, smoking, or all three. Truth be told, part of me hurts to see prospective traits and talents go to waste like that.
4. Talk means nothing when actions prove otherwise
“I’m sorry.”
“It won’t happen again.”
“I didn’t mean to ditch you.”
“I’m going to quit.”
“I care about you.”
All of these sentences were only talk; never were they an action. This is one thing I have learned about bad boys—they can talk a big game, but cannot follow up with action even if their life depends on it. I continuously gave out chances in hopes of seeing these words take flight, but in the end, all I got was nothing. That is when I began to realize he does not deserve me, nor do I deserve him.
5. He does not deserve me
I gave him my time, stuck with him, was there for him, cared about him, listened to him—you name it. Nevertheless, it was never enough. One day, I woke up and realized it was not worth it anymore. Why give when all he did was take? He took away my standards. He took away my dignity. He took away my forgiveness, and he threw them all away. I never truly realize how much power someone so low has to change someone higher until now. Lucky for me, I got out of the mess before he made someone truly different out of me. I am actually going somewhere with my life while he drinks, smokes, games, and sleeps his life away. While I work two part-time jobs and go to school full-time, he is on the sidelines wasting his life. I no longer wish to be a part of it. I am worth so much more than that.
Through these lessons, I begin to reflect on the person I have become and wish to be. I feel that surrounding ourselves with the wrong people may reveal our true character—whether it is good or bad. I may be a "goody two-shoes," but no "bad boy" will ever have the power to change that again. I am more than the cigarette between his lips, alcohol on his breath, and lies that rest on his tongue. I am worth more than he will ever realize, and that alone is enough to say one last goodbye.
