When I was younger, I didn't speak. Well, at least not as much as I do now. I was absolutely terrified of people, all people. At friends and family gatherings I was normally found hiding underneath a table avoiding all human interaction. My attempts to communicate with people and put myself out there normally ended with me stumbling over the few words I spoke or literally hurting myself. My close friends and immediate family knew me and knew how silly and fun loving I could be, but outside of those safe places I felt the world and everything and everyone on it was going to try and kill, maim, or hate me. I made sure I surrounded myself with outgoing and attention seeking people so I could be a good support for then, but maintain my position in the background of society. Having charismatic family members helped to maintain this cover. My mother commanded a room with her smile, my father was a joker, my sisters were brilliant in their own ways and constantly made their presence known and my brother was always good for a conversation or prank. Living in their shadows was the safe way to go.

When I got to college things didn't really change. I graduated high school hoping to get a new start and maybe make a name for myself as something other than the occasionally funny guest in everyone’s life. Try as I might I just couldn't figure out how to approach, let alone talk to people. My older sister tried as hard as she could to help me come out of my shell. She had immediately become an influential member of her newfound friend group and tried to bring me into the fold as often as she could. At one point she brought me in as an “observer” to one of her classes so I would have common knowledge with her and her friends to contribute to the conversation. While the gesture was greatly appreciated, it did not help. I still could not bring up the courage to speak this newfound knowledge. She eventually made the decision to leave college to raise her beautiful children and I was again left to observe in the corner trying to nonchalantly look for entrances into a conversation, and the moments came and went with hardly an utterance from my mouth. I sat, watching life and friendships form around me. I longed for a connection I didn’t think was possible for me.

My silent observations continued for some time. I would sit in the vicinity of the students my sister had attempted to facilitate a friendship with and waited for my shining moment that never came. My aloofness proved useful toward the end of the semester when I heard about an opportunity to go to Disney for college credit. What’s more? They would actually pay me to go to Disney. This sounded like a dream come true! The Disney College Program would give me a chance to get away from my increasingly awkward existence as a silent observer, and allow me to instead do my silent observing in the most magical place I could think of!

That being said, when I told my parents I wanted to go down to Florida on a college program entirely by myself for six months, they were very surprised. They had a point, up until now I had shown no inclination that I could possibly survive somewhere brand new with brand new people in a brand new environment without the immediate assistance of my family. I'm pretty sure they thought about admitting me to an institution for a moment, but they supported me nonetheless. Aside from their obvious apprehension with sending their most reliant daughter eight states away without any parental guidance, my family helped me to fill out my application and take my first steps to joining the College Program. Then through a series of online and over-the-phone interviews, I was accepted to the Walt Disney World College Program Fall Advantage. I was excited and couldn't wait to get down there and start this new and exciting adventure. As soon as the acceptance letter came, I added myself to all of the Facebook groups, Hangouts, and so on to try and see who the other people who were going down on the college program would be. And with that, the terrified feeling that had been so silent throughout the entire application process finally returned, and fast. I was suddenly overwhelmed.

As I watched all of these other college program participants interacting online, I was immediately overwhelmed. All of these people were so charismatic and friendly. People seemed to gravitate toward each other like crazy. I had tried to comment on a few posts and fill out the questionnaires we were supposed to, but I couldn’t seem to hold a conversation past “nice post.” How was I going to fit in? I was actually going to have to talk to people. It was going to be a requirement both in and out of work. I couldn’t believe I forgot about that. None of my friends, my family, anyone I had known previously would be on this college program with me. I would be living in the same apartment as total strangers, in the same room even! Would they hate me? Would they kick me out? What if I get there and I am put in a room with people who I don’t have anything in common with, what would we talk about? What if we do have things in common but I can’t get up the courage to talk about it? Would our entire apartment be filled with awkward silences? Would I be doomed to spend the next six months completely silent? The anxiety was crippling, but it was too late to turn back now. In a few weeks, I would be on my way to the now most terrifying place on the planet.

My apprehension continued to grow as I began packing my belongings to relocate. I was so nervous about what was going to happen when I got down there I completely forgot to pack some pretty important items. Things like my contact lenses for example. This was not a good start. I decided at that point that I was just going to sleep and hope that when I woke up I was able to think straight and mentally prepare myself for the upcoming months. I slept through eight states, only waking to visit a rest stop, and by the time we reached Florida, I was not only terrified but sticky. I was entirely unprepared for the sweltering Florida heat. I saw this as a bad omen for what was coming.

After showering and putting on more Florida-acceptable clothes, my parents and I went to lunch with my aunt, uncle and cousin at their restaurant in downtown Orlando to meet up before I made my trek to orientation. They had been living in Florida for as long as I could really remember and my aunt was a very respected cast member at Disney University. We talked about what I was most excited for and she told me stories of her time working at the parks, the resorts, and her current position. My cousin told be fun stories of things she had done at Disney and some of her favorite spots and gave me a mental “to do” list for what I need to accomplish before my college program was over. Hearing them regale me with the positive aspect of their time with Disney started to lessen the unforgiving fear I had surrounding the upcoming events. My apprehension turned into impatience and I wanted to get started, get my role and location and experience Disney as only a Cast Member can.

6:00 a.m. the next day, I was in the Vista Way parking lot, looking at the line of fellow future cast members with their luggage and coffee chit chatting to each other and making friends. I had never been more terrified in my life, but I knew I couldn’t stay in the car the whole day. Shyly I asked my mom to come over with me (dad was being a doll and getting us really strong coffee). She helped grab my purse and information folder and we walked over to the line. As we approached the students my brain started going through all of the possible ways I could screw this up. I could trip and fall on my face, or into someone and make them spill their coffee all over themselves. I imagined getting in line and watching people look me up and down in disgust. I thought I was going to barf from the dread that was building up inside of me, what an impression that would make. This felt like the longest stretch of parking lot I've ever walked across until we reached the line and I realized I wished the parking lot was 20 feet longer so I still had time to turn back. When we finally reached the end of the line, I was paralyzed. Every bone in my body was trying to run back to the car and back home where I knew everyone, I knew who I could trust, I knew who I should avoid. I had none of that assurance here. I looked around at the faces of the people around me. They were all unfamiliar and the overwhelming fear made their features blur. Everyone around me was a blank slate I knew nothing of them, and they knew nothing of me.

But that was it, wasn't it? They were all just as out of their element as me. They were away from their home, their friends, their family. They had left their lives at home to chase their pixie dust coated dreams, just like me. I may not know anything about them personally, but they had the same feeling. I even felt lucky, most of them were standing in line by themselves, I at least had my mom with me. My fear turned into curiosity. All of these people had stories, stories I wanted to know. This seemed to do it, this realization gave me the confidence I needed to take my first step to learning how to be a better version of myself. I turned to the girl who had gotten in line behind me, smiled and introduced myself. Straightforward, no hesitation, I went all in. I'm pretty sure I heard my mother audibly gasp when I did it. I had never before in my life introduced myself to someone let alone someone that I had no prior knowledge of. It was a big moment, and surprisingly I didn't screw it up!

I realized then how silly I had been for being so terrified of people. Not just in this circumstance, but in general. I had spent 18 years of my life hiding from people. Why? All of the movies Disney had shown me, those same movies that made a point to say that meeting new people, making friends, always helps you out. I still hid from them, and I was hurting no one but myself. Briana, my first friend on the DCP, helped me gain the confidence to talk to other people standing around us almost immediately. We spent the time sharing our stories with the many people from all around, I met so many people from so many different places. We talked about where we were from, our majors, why we joined the college program, our favorite Disney characters. Even more, I didn't feel like a background character. I was no longer a guest in my own life, I was a part of it. Much to my surprise, Briana had a vacancy with the roommates she had talked to prior to coming onto the college program. She introduced me to them later in the line and we got along swimmingly. We got our assignments (I was so pleased to be placed in the Magic Kingdom at Stands West) and headed to our rooms to unpack, thick as thieves. My dad dropped off coffee and him and my mom snuck away back to the car, they were so shocked I was talking to people they didn't want to throw off my groove. I had finally arrived.

Before even stepping into a park, before even getting my official Cast Member ID, just taking a chance on applying to the college program had taught me a lesson about myself. I learned I had no reason to be scared of other people. Other people are what make the world a more interesting and colorful place. You can learn so much from other people if you take that leap of faith and if you are willing to do something you may have never thought possible. Like Rapunzel, I simultaneously longed for adventure and was too terrified to take those steps on my own. The college program had already taught me that whether you want to go on a grand adventure or you just want to gain the confidence to talk to people, you need to take that first step out of your comfort zone. I, personally dove in head first by traveling to eight states away to reap my rewards. All in all, I learned a lot. This was the first of many lessons that I would learn during my time with the Disney Company, and with my newfound confidence to take changes and venture out, I was ready to learn more of what life on the Disney College Program had to offer.

"Venture outside of your comfort zone. The rewards are worth it." - Rapunzel