When you left me, you did not take anything with you. You left in the middle of the night, because you knew I would have followed you. Everything I see, thoughts of you follow. You stored all of your memories in me. The same way your clothes are still hanging in my closet. I wish you would have taken it all with you. Every single last bit of you. I can't move an inch without running into thoughts of you.
I waited up for you. The first night, I told myself you were at the bar, with your friends. Drinking because we had a fight that morning. I went to bed alone, and thought you would come home to me. The second night, I showered for so long my skin became pruney and started to burn. When I went to sleep, I hugged your pillow. In hope, that you would return in the middle of the night. On the third night, I accepted you found home somewhere else. That I was no longer your home. I called my mother that night, and she drove three hours to hold me like you used to. You never left me any note or text. There was no happy ending, just an ending. You left in the worst way, without anything but memories of who we were. I will never forget the way that felt, like I was the reason you left. As if I wasn't good enough. To be abandon by the most important person in my life brought heartache. I loved you more than I loved myself, and that is where I went wrong.
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I loved you more than I loved myself. I know this because I can remember every detail about you. Please remove the knowledge that you would drink your coffee in your left hand because your right was for holding your spoon. I still remember the way you would curl over in the middle of the night. Wrapping your hands around me, bringing nothing but safety and warmth. Take away the memory of your favorite color. I still remember it is orange, because you were born on Halloween, twenty-four years ago. Halloween will never be my favorite again. I spent years with you, celebrating your birthday and favorite holiday. We traveled two hours to your mom`s house, and spent Halloween where you grew up. I still remember you begging me to dress up as dalmatians and go trick-or-treating like we were kids.
When I realized you were never coming back, it was heartbreak. You were eight long years of my life. People said we would become married, and grow old together. However, that scared you. I never wanted to force you into anything you didn't want. You spoke about life, travel, and forever. We had plans to travel together. We finally reached the age we said we would start. Maybe you left without me, thought I would find you. Although, I stopped chasing you, when I thought you would stay. You promised forever, and you could not even manage to say goodbye when you left in the middle of the night.
