I picked out my bedding months in advance. I stalked my roommate on social media. I gathered Pintrest worthy decorations. I packed up everything I would need and more. I headed to college overjoyed with what was to come. Who would become my closest friends? What clubs would I join? Would I like all my professors? For months I thought about what my "college experience" would be like and never did it cross my mind that I would hate it.
I arrived on campus and excitingly checked-in, happy to have students help bring my stuff to my dorm. I embraced my roommate in a hug, anticipating the fun that was to come. I unpacked all my things and happily set up my room, already thinking about the picture I was going to take of it.
Recommended for you
I cried, sobbed actually, as my family left me a couple days after move in, but I was ready to start college. After months of thinking about what college was going to be like, my time was finally here.
I quickly became best friends with my roommate. I joined a sport, a couple of clubs and even got a job on campus. I was making friends with so many different people. I enjoyed most of my classes and became friendly with my professors. I explored my new town. I was "doing" college.
However, it wasn't long until I realized I hated college.
I was doing all the right things to have a good "college experience" but it just wasn't adding up. There wasn't one particular thing or person bothering me. In fact, there just wasn't anything exciting me. I was going through the motions: practice, classes, club meetings, work, dinner with friends, homework, movie night with the roommate, Netflix binges, ordering take out and everything else you do at college, but it just wasn't fun for me.
I headed home for Thanksgiving and put on a happy face. "I love school. It's great. It's truly a great place." The only honest thing I could offer was that I loved my roommate. Other than that, there wasn't much else school was offering me but I just lied about it.
It took a few days of being home to open up to my mom, who I tell everything to, what was truly going on. While I was at school, I avoided the negative details in our daily texts and phone calls, not wanting to upset her and thinking it would all get better.
I divulged - I hated college. I explained everything I was feeling and what was going on. It was emotional for me to open up and explain the whole ordeal because I was just sitting tight and hoping for the best.
After a long talk and much consideration, my mom simply said, "Then why don't you just come home?"
The thought hadn't even crossed my mind. I was suppose to stick this out. Everyone loves college, I just need to give it more time. It'll get better. I had planned to just keep on going through the motions for the next few years. I'll graduate and happily move along.
"Why don't you just come home?" Echoed in my mind for the rest of my time home and surrounded my thoughts as I cried my way to the airport, not wanting to leave home and unsure of the decisions I would make in the coming weeks before winter break.
I was back at school for less than 48 hours when I called up my parents. "I want to come home." Two weeks later, after finals, my mom came to help me. We packed up my dorm room and headed home. I hardly shed a tear as we drove away. I was confident I made the right decision.
Everyone told me to stay, to finish freshman year, to try to new things and to keep an open mind. I knew myself and the situation. That college, right then and there, just wasn't for me. I wasn't going to continue to be unhappy when I had the chance to make a change.
I hated college, so I left. I took the situation into my hands and did what was best for me. I took everyone's input to heart but knew at the end of the day, leaving was best.
I'm not to say everyone who doesn't enjoy their first semester isn't meant to stay at their school. In fact, it probably will get better and you just need to give it some time. I just felt that wasn't the case for me, so I left my four year school and headed home to community college.
I hated college, so I left.
