It seems like with today's generation of the male species, they don't want to lock you down. They want to get in your bed and in your heart, but not stay for the duration. Nowadays, dating starts with "Let's just be friends, I'm not ready for a relationship." It's like guys expect you do things that would be deemed inappropriate for just any other friendship and then simultaneously expect you not develop feelings. When that instance occurs, they grow distant and even more detached. The fact that they told us from the get go they weren't ready for commitment becomes irrelevant.
First, they make you think you can trust them, with sweet talking and hollow promises. Next, they worm their way into your good graces so they can get you under the covers.
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That's not to say all men are like this and for me personally, I've only had one guy do this to me. However, it was this guy that made me realize that I deserve more.
It started out innocent enough, I remained aloof as much as I possibly could, he had previously been with a friend of mine. I didn't want to be that girl. That girl that would disregard a friendship for some inconsequential boy who I knew in the back of my head couldn't give me what I wanted. During my pregnancy, he was there for me, unsolicited, and acted as if he wanted to be. I started to buy in to the bullshit.
We started hanging out here and there after I had my son, doing the whole Netflix and chill bit, and somewhere along the way I let him all the way in. Right after the first time, he went back to my friend. I was hurt, unrightfully so. She had him first. I told myself I was done. This was surely a sign he wasn't good for me.
He admitted he messed up and I stuck with not letting him back. I entered a relationship with someone else and that's when he told me he loved me. I told him I wouldn't end my relationship and that essentially he was too late. That changed very quickly.
I kept thinking "he loves me" and I held on to that insane notion. At the time I didn't even want to be in a relationship with anyone, but if somebody tells you they love you, they probably mean it, right?
Wrong. After the last time we were together, he left right after we were done. That's when I knew it was over. It wasn't necessarily out of character for him to pull that move, he had done things like that before. Nevertheless, it was something about this moment that ended up making me feel empty. It made me feel like just an object for him to use when it was convenient for him. He had no respect for me as a "friend" or as a person with feelings at all.
Ladies, this is unacceptable. I think it is possible to have friends with benefits, but once feelings become involved eventually someone is going to get hurt. To save yourself from this hurt, end it. It still won't feel great, especially if you care about this person, but don't ever compromise your feelings to be a doormat. Have self respect and know that you're worth more. Realize that this person isn't good enough for you and that there is someone out there who is going to see how great you are. Anyone who gives you less than you deserve is just a waste of time.
