Pitter patter pitter patter.... Screaming, yelling, I don't want to get up for school. These are all the sounds that you hear in the morning when you are an older sister. The world is at your fingertips, but only after they stop screaming long enough for you to focus. They fight with you, they tattle, and they shout hatred, but in the end, those little peanuts are the ones you love most and the ones who bring the most joy into your life.

Most of my life I have been a sister and I have taken it for granted. I wished my sister was never born and even slapped her around a few times. I tried to kill her with a telephone cord (although that was an accident, I was trying to play and didn't understand that I was choking her). I wished her away more than I wished her to stay. When I hit my senior year, I realized just how much I was really missing out on. My middle sister, Payton, and I started growing closer and closer throughout our whole lives. As I came to terms with having to leave her, I began to realize just what I was taking for granted.

My whole life I had protected her from everyone except me, even our other sister. I always had her to wipe my tears and I always wiped away hers. We spent most nights in each other's rooms laughing. She was always up and waiting to talk to me after every work shift I had. We spent every Sunday after church going on adventures. We even joined the same worship team week. We went on every target adventure together and every Wendy's trip involved her getting a chicken sandwich.

As it hit time to graduate, things started to get more and more real. This little piece of joy wasn't gonna be around for late night pizza and Walmart trips. She was everything to me. She kept me balanced and smiling, and I honestly didn't know what I was going to do without her. I would pace the floor every day wondering how I could have missed so many joys.

I missed the little things that she did such as flip her hair every single time she laughed, or how she always soaked her chips in hot sauce. I missed all the little things by being obssessed with all the big bad things. The idea of being an older sister never seemed like the best idea, but as I look back now I see what I was missing out on. Never in my life have I ever experienced such a strong love for somone and never will I again.