When I was younger, you could find me in the corner of the classroom reading. I liked to be unbothered. My desk was at the end of a row, pushed away from others, or I opted to sit at a separate table.
I had my nose in a book most of the time growing up, and continue to read in my spare time now. When my parents called out my name in the house, I would be simply sitting in my room. I loved being alone and didn't see anything wrong with it. Then everyone felt the need to invade my personal space.
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"Why are you sitting alone?"
"Are you okay?"
"Here, let me give you a hug. You look upset."
"Come sit with me!"
While I appreciate the hospitality, I prefer to be alone. Once I would express that opinion, people felt as if I was coming off as rude. I would be left alone, as I wished, but labeled negatively for not being as social as them. Why? Why are the more "successful" people labeled as social butterflies and friendly?
This is because those who do not go out of their way to form flimsy forgettable relationships with others are deemed introverted or self-centered. I find my time much more valued by those who want deep connections rather than small talk.
It's totally normal to have some time to yourself! It gets tiring talking to people all day, especially when you suffer from a form of anxiety. Do you ever wish you could just close yourself into a little tent, or bury your head into your sweatshirt? Do you ever feel the overwhelming energy of people, only wanting to run away? Don't think you are a burden or different. I understand. It's not an obligation to please everyone.
Silence calms your soul. A phrase I have tried several times to explain with very little retention rate of those listening. Self reflection is necessary to grow yourself into a positive person. You wouldn't expect your pet to be around strangers and be pet by random hands for several hours, why would you expect your mind to be picked at and exhausted?
I've recently started practicing yoga and mindful meditation. This is time I can value everyday alone, and continue to improve myself. I encourage everyone to take time to self reflect, so maybe you can have a better understanding of those who enjoy time alone. Spend some time by yourself everyday and you will see growth and a rise in self-awareness.
I gravitate towards those who enjoy the company of others, but don't heavily rely on communication. The ones who sit at one table together and can be content without saying a word are my unspoken friends. I won't label you as an outcast, weird, or anti-social. I respectfully join you, and understand the strength you must have to be around others. Because sometimes you need somebody to be there for you, but from a distance.
Just because I'm quiet doesn't mean I have nothing to say. Just because I may not be overly expressive doesn't mean I have no emotion. Just because I eat alone doesn't mean I'll decline an invitation to lunch. Just because I avoid phone calls doesn't mean you should send me to voicemail if I choose to call you. Just because I say very little doesn't mean my mind is empty.
