This is how it all went down:
I was a new girl, at a new school, in a new city. People didn’t know me, and I didn’t know them. My first semester of college meant a fresh start for academics, for friendships, and for myself. I’m all for new beginnings, but not if it means meeting people like him – people who make me question everything I’ve ever known, including myself.
I was at a party with a couple girls I met in my morning classes. We were standing together near the fountain in the courtyard, swapping stories from high school and laughing obnoxiously. I was mid-sentence when he walked up to me and demanded conversation. I wish I knew then what I know now: don’t trust anyone who interrupts you.
So there he is, introducing himself, and here I am, wondering what his motives are. His hat was on backward, but his intentions seemed forward. After a few short minutes he excused himself, walked away, and that was it – or so I thought.
At a later date, he found me once more. Our second conversation led to exchanging phone numbers, which then led to friendship (if you’d even call it that.) We began hanging out, going on dates, and sharing details of our lives. He took my hand in his one night and I slowly began to trust him. Who knew that trust would wind up being a regret?
I soon began picking up on his unusual and distant behaviors, but every time I would question them he always seemed to have a well-prepared answer. He always said goodnight but I never heard good morning. I should’ve known that I was fooling myself as soon as I realized he would rather say goodbye than say hello.
After several long nights of writing hopelessly romantic poetry and arguing with him until I couldn’t even look at him, I called it quits. It was my turn to say goodbye. I confronted him about his lack of effort in our “friendship,” and how he needed to contribute in order to maintain it. It didn’t go well, and expectedly, I haven’t heard from him in weeks.
Since then I have come to three conclusions:
- He manipulated me. He led me to believe that there was something more than friendship between us when really there was nothing for him past our second conversation.
- He lied to me. When confronted, he said he wasn’t “in a position to date.” Little did I know he’d have a pixie-cut fairy hanging on his arm just a couple of months later.
- I don’t need anyone who doesn’t need me. He cared about himself, and that was pretty much it. Sure, he has his own problems to figure out, but he certainly isn’t one of mine anymore.
There comes a certain point where you must learn to take care of yourself. Take care of your mind, your body, your relationships – take care of your life. If you don’t want to waste your time, then don’t. It’s simply a matter of eliminating the toxic people in your life. I was a new girl, at a new school, in a new city. I was afraid of not making friends right away and spending my college years alone. I failed to remember good things take time.
As we get older, friendships increase in value. It’s important to make friends at your leisure, not on-demand. You are not destined to live your life alone. College isn’t about cliques, status, or appearance. College is an opportunity to build yourself into the best version of you that you can be. You will make friends. You will fall in love. You will grow into someone to be proud of – allow yourself time and you’ll wonder why you ever questioned it in the first place. We all must encounter situations that allow us to address our own beliefs and desires, even if it means getting discouraged sometimes. Heartbreak only exists if you let it; don’t waste yourself on anyone who would rather tell you goodbye.
This is how it all went down:
I was a new girl, at a new school, in a new city, and I realized that I am too full of life to be half-loved – it’s as simple as that.
