Becoming independent is a long, and sometimes grueling process that is anything but comparable from person to person. Some people are put into situations that require them to stand alone and grow faster than some of their peers. Others can hide from such responsibility and continue on a path of ignorance. And of course, there are many situations in between. Whether you found yourself being fairly independent during high school, or even well into your 20's, finding the strength to rely upon yourself is a wonderful and crucial skill that can lead to feeling content and self-sufficient.
Although financial independence is often the first thought when discussing dependence versus independence, there are many different forms of the term that I find to be the heart of self acceptance. Although it's cliche to say, I find myself constantly rediscovering the fact that you are the most important person in your life. This is not suggesting that you must live a selfish lifestyle, in fact I find it to be a catalyst for giving your absolute best efforts and affection to those around you. The more pure and rewarding your relationships are, the more fuel you have to enrich your ever-growing relationship with yourself.
The idea of self-reliance does not mean that you are purely alone in this life. Instead, it means that you have a responsibility to do your best and be your best, for your own sake. It's easy to feel that your worth comes from praise and affection from your peers, and I know the internal struggle of feeling not-good-enough-until-proven-so. Where does this feeling come from? It's different for everyone, but I know that the culture of social media only amplifies the need for a virtual pat on the back.
The key to letting go of festering questions of "am I doing this right?", "do people care?", and even the simple "do I look okay?", is by being the judge of your own worth. It's hard to admit that not everyone in your life has their entire being invested in you. But that's where you come in. Be the person that you need in your own life; be the support system and the friend that you can turn to in a time of unease. Be able to look in the mirror and support the person that is looking back at you, regardless of the doubts that are staring back at you.
For the times when others can't be there for you, whether it be because of distance or their own personal boundaries, be there for yourself. Rely upon yourself for motivation and praise. Not everyone may know the small accomplishments that you reached that day. Maybe you ate a day full of healthy meals after weeks of promising to change your diet. Pat yourself on the back, and cheer yourself on the next day to do the same. Maybe your skin is impeccable that day, and you're wearing those pants that make your body look phenomenal. Don't wait for someone to say it for you to believe it- you look good! Be your own biggest supporter, because you know how far you've come to be where you are. You owe it to yourself.
And when you start to support and love yourself, giving that same appreciation to others will come naturally. When you feel good, you can do so much better. No one is going to be able to fulfill your needs and wants better than you can yourself. Not because the people in your life don't care, or don't value you. But because everyone lives in their own worlds, with their own problems and needs as well. Sure your worlds may be intertwined, but you always end up coming home to yourself. Make sure you come home to someone who you can rely upon, and someone that you can love unconditionally.
