I am a very firm believer in the saying, "Everything happens for a reason." I will actually tell myself this a few times a week when certain things happen, because it's what my heart truly believes. I think that every moment leads us forward to the path that we are meant to take. Even if it's something small, like deciding to walk to class instead of taking the bus, it's still something I believe is planned by the universe in order to take our life in a direction that will encourage us forward, eventually leading to a bigger decision in the future.
While I have always been a firm believer in this, there was a time when I anxiously lost my ability to trust the universe and the plan that God had for me. This time lasted for over a year, and it started almost exactly two years ago, when I did not get into the college that I so desperately wanted to be a part of.
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UNC Chapel Hill had been my dream for over three years of my High School experience. I worked hard to ensure my acceptance—getting an ACT tutor, taking five classes instead of four each semester, enrolling in high school summer classes, becoming officers of clubs and a member of various organizations. I was obsessed with having a perfect GPA, because I was positive it defined who I was as both a student and a person.
But I didn't get in. Out of all 10 schools that I applied to, the school that I wanted most to accept me into their community was the only college that said no. And I was devastated.
While I am embarrassed to say this now, two years ago I did not want to go to NC State University, not by any means. Out of my other nine choices, it was the last on my list. I had visited the campus on four separate occasions, and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't see the beauty and amazement that everyone else did. But when comparing the academics and pricing to the other schools I was accepted into, NC State was the best option by far. And after a lot of long conversations with my parents, I reluctantly logged on to the school page and officially accepted my offer to join the Wolfpack.
Last year was one of the hardest of my entire life. Not only was I in a whole new setting, three hours away from my parents and even farther away from my best friends, but I was at a college I had no desire to be a part of. I was sad and alone, and I so desperately wanted to see what everyone thought was so amazing about this college. For some reason, I just couldn't.
No matter how hard I tried, I just didn't get it. I felt out of place and undeserving. I wasn't making friends in my classes, I was struggling to maintain the grades that I thought would be easy to achieve, and I felt like a failure to my sorority. One time last winter, after my roommate had moved out for a dorm closer to main campus, I didn't talk to one person for over three days. When I finally spoke again on that fourth day, my voice cracked. I was constantly sick to my stomach, crying, and aching to go back home. Before December was up, I had applied to three other schools in the hopes to transfer.
The beginning of my spring semester was just as bad, if not worse. By March, I felt like I was going to go crazy from depression, but I had gotten accepted into the colleges I had applied for to transfer, and my parents had reluctantly agreed to let me end my time at State, if that's what would make me happy. It was something to look forward to, and so I kept trudging forward, eager to reach the light at the end of a long, dark tunnel (or so I thought was such at the time).
But then, slowly, things started to change. I became sisterhood chair and Chaplain for my sorority, and it helped me engage with my sisters in a way I wouldn't have before. I started to accept the requests of my friends to go out to dinner with them. I decided to go to the library to study instead of staying in my lonely dorm all the time. I got into new organizations on campus, I laid out in the sun more. I asked some of my sorority sisters out to ice cream, coffee, yoga at the gym. For the first time all year, I finally did what I should have done from the beginning—I chose the school that had chosen me.
And so when it was time for me to choose where to transfer, when the deadline came to accept one offer over the other, I declined them all and decided to give my original school one more go around.
And oh, am I so happy that I did.
Now, I can't imagine being at any other school than at the one I am at right now. I wouldn't trade my sorority sisters for anything—I can't imagine not being a part of NC State's Kappa Delta Sorority. They are loving and kind and brave, special girls, and I am forever blessed to be a part of their genuine sisterhood. I have a Little in my sorority that I love with all of my heart, who I cannot fathom not knowing. I'm rooming with two awesome friends next year, and I have an amazing internship at Hope Reins Raleigh that I wouldn't have been able to be a part of had I quit being a Raleigh girl.
I can't imagine having transferred to another school, because I can't imagine not having the memories I have made this year as a student at this amazing university. I wouldn't have made Valentine cards with my sorority for the children's hospital, or taken part in Dance Marathon. I wouldn't have been able to see the Krispy Kreme challenge, or be a part of Chi Alpha Christian Fellowship on campus. I am so unbelievably happy at NC State this year, and I can't wait for the adventurers ahead of me in my last two years here!
Sometimes it is hard to trust God and know where you're supposed to be. It's easy to look at life and say that something isn't what's supposed to happen, and to become passive instead of actively trying to solve the problem you're facing. But I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason, and my time at NC State only solidifies this for me. I was meant to be a part of the Wolfpack, I was meant to be a sister of NC State's Kappa Delta, and I was meant to spend the remainder of my teen years in Raleigh.
I know that God needs me here for a special reason, that being at State is important for the shaping of who I am, and the woman I wish to be in the future. I only wish that I had seen this sooner, instead of wasting a whole year in resentment. But in some ways, I think I needed that year to really show me what's important. It's not the place you're at that determines your happiness, but the people you meet along the way, and how you yourself decide to react to where you're going. So stay positive, love your life. It's a great one worth living.
Yesterday, my roommate asked me if I still thought about UNC Chapel Hill sometimes. I told her that I did, because it was true. But when she asked me if I still wanted to transfer there, I told her that I really didn't. And that, too, was true. I absolutely love my school now, and all of its cracks and crevices, because I know the true beauty that my school holds. I love its strength and history, its buildings and traditions.
I love all of the people here who really make this campus a home. I know where I'm meant to be, and it's here, at NC State, as a wolfpacker in Raleigh, NC. I don't know what exactly is in store for me these next two years, but I'm definitely excited to find out. I know it's going to be good, and honestly, I'm not really worried anymore.
After all, everything happens for a reason.
