There are 3 steps to achieving self love and all are so important and it can be a struggle to achieve them.

First accepting others bodies and recognize that words matter. It would hurt to hear someone say, “She needs to eat a sandwhich I can barely see her” or “have you thought about working out? Might help you drop a few pounds” about yourself, so why would you say or think that?

A lot of the time we take out our insecurities on others and that is not OK, but understandable somewhat. When we try to push out negative self talk off of ourselves we might push it to others. Instead of looking at someone and thinking, “They’d be more handsome/pretty if they *blank*”, think something along the lines of, “They (insert something nice).” Starting off with changing inner dialogue can also help with outer dialogue.

Next is accepting yourself with your inner and outer dialogue. I used to think I did not struggle with this till a friend told me, “Why do the girls with the pretty freckles always try to hide them?”, when she saw me applying foundation. Without thinking I said, “They don’t look pretty.” I meant they just didn’t look good on me, but I saw another girl with freckles who was doing her makeup starting to cover her’s up after I uttered those words. I felt awful and it made me look back on other things people have said around me and how things people say about themselves have an impact on others.

When I was in elementary school I was teased by close family members and the occasional teacher about my big butt. It was big for a kid, but still it’s just for sitting on. After having my butt grabbed one time with someone joking about me going on a diet I started wearing over sized clothing and a jacket around my waist to hide my body. I didn’t stand up for myself and by doing so I think it had a negative effect on others.

In the 8th grade I was in the dressing room for a show and a girl who was older than me and had the same body type as me said that she looked like a hippo. 8th grade was when I was starting to accept my body more and I said to her, “How do you think that makes me feel when we have the same body type?” I stood up for her, in an interesting way I never heard her complain about her body after that. I even heard her talk confident about her body the following year.

In the 11th grade I was complaining about how big my hair was. My friends were playing with my big waves of hair and tugging on it so it made me feel insecure. It wasn’t even that big, but I always got teased by family members because of my hair when I was younger and even more frizzy. The next day a girl that sat near me wore her hair in a bun, I’ve never seen it worn up. I didn’t see it down for weeks. This time I was the cause of the hurt with my words.

What we say about ourselves matters not only for our own sake, but those around us. See that you are beautiful. Never say anything bad about how you look. It has a great effect on others. I love my tiger stripes, my thighs have them from my big butt and thick thighs. When I was little those were called stretch marks, but when I came to college I heard them called tiger stripes. It made me feel more empowered over my own body.

This brings me to the last step in achieving body positivity education/awareness. We live in an age of technology so you can learn about different body positivity movements and the cause of certain bodies not being as accepted in the mainstream. A huge part of people condemning bodies is based on able-ism. So when you see an elevator with an ad saying “Today is the day we take the stairs” realize that some people don’t have the option of taking the stairs.

Also, don’t you dare call a skinny person anorexic. One if you are, you are making fun of a mental illness which isn’t cool. Two, some people are thinner than others either by genetics, health, lifestyle or disability. The exact same thing goes for people of any body type and it is none of our business to know why. So when you praise Tess Holliday's body, but condemn Gigi Hadid’s or vice versa you are not being body positive.

Let your friends and family know that they are beautiful. Let yourself know that you are beautiful. Do not try to fit into someone else’s perfect ideal. Because at the end of the day looks are just an ideal, who you are as a person is what counts.