Everybody has some insecurity. People are really surprised to learn how painfully insecure I am. I take a lot of pictures and selfies, but you don't see how many I go through before finding decent ones to post online. I don't wear too much makeup on most days, but when I have a breakout or very noticeable dark circles under my eyes, I apply more coverup than usual to hide them.
There's a lot of things with my body I don't like. I have lots of moles and freckles on various places; I have a mole on my left thigh that I've had since birth. I know I'm not the only one with these imperfections, but to have many moles and freckles on weird/visible parts of your body, you can't help but imagine what it would be like to erase them all.
I've always been the smallest one in the group. I was always too thin, too short, too underweight. I was a picky eater, not eating enough, a small appetite. Flash forward to college, I'm short and curvy. My curves are something I have a hate/love relationship with, one day I love them, the next day I curse them. Because I'm short (five-foot-one), if I gain a lot of weight, it's more noticeable on me, it's harder for me to hide. My legs are thick, and they jiggle. When I'm at the gym, it's the legs and abs I focus on the most, to the point where I pinch the fat and hate it.
As I mentioned in a previous article, I have a branchial cleft cyst, a rare birth abnormality that is located on my chest, below my collarbone. Because of how rare it is, I've yet to meet anybody with this rarity. None of my friends have heard of it, no one in my family has it, and so far only one nurse I've seen knew what it was. Whenever I complain about it or itch it, or my chest becomes red, I don't say anything because I know nobody else will understand, simply because they don't know what it's like having this annoying and uncommon cyst. Its uniqueness has only made me feel more insecure, because I can't help but wonder why I have this, especially when I don't know anybody else that has it.
At the end of the day, I'm happy in my own skin. I don't believe in plastic surgery or any kind of cosmetic surgery, as I believe one should be happy with what God gave them. I don't like my legs, but I'm grateful to have healthy, functioning legs. I don't like my moles and freckles, but it does give my skin character. I don't like my cyst but it's part of what makes me extra unique. Since I refuse to go under the knife just to erase my flaws, I know I have a way to make the best of it, knowing I was created this way for a reason.
