In my mind, speaking and writing are two completely different aliens. I like to talk. Writing? Not so much. I've never liked to write -- not even as a kid. I didn't see the point of writing papers and reports for my various classes and, to be honest, I still think it's a little pointless (don't tell my professors!) On a few occasions, both as a child and a college student, academic writing has brought me to tears.
However, I have always enjoyed writing creatively. When I was a kid, I had dreams of being a Rock/Pop star. I could travel the world, sing, have my own music videos, write my own songs, the usual. I also really wanted to act on the Disney Channel... but that's beside the point.
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This dream of mine drove me to write song lyrics all the time mostly about love-- which of course I had no idea about-- I poured my heart and soul into these songs. I didn't realize how integral this portion of my life was to my creativity and my identity.
One day, when I was 12 or 13, I stopped writing. When I reflect back on that moment, I can definitely say I stopped that particular day on account of writer's block, but I don't know why I never picked up a pencil and dreamed again.
Soon, as my teenage years progressed, insecurity crawled into every aspect of my life. My insecurity was at an all time high in, of course, high school when I was surrounded by people that I felt were more beautiful and WAY more talented than myself.
Due to my focus on their talent and my perceived lack thereof, I never really gave myself or my writing a chance and I developed the thought that my words did not matter. It is a thought that plays on a loop in my head even to this day and leaves me with a crippling fear and a defeatist attitude has kept me from dreaming through words on a page.
I have realized in recent years how damaging this is to my mental well being. During the late fall semester last year, I discovered that I wanted to be a film director and screenwriter... and quickly realized that in order to do what I want to do for the rest of my life, I must fight through this and conquer my fears and insecurity.It's a constant mental battle but one that I am combating by simply writing more. In the last couple of years, I've met some wonderful people who've really encouraged me to write little by little. Seeing my friends’ work has inspired me to take a leap. The leap is this: being a contributor for The Odyssey and currently spilling my mind to you-- which, by the way, is probably one of the hardest things that I've ever done. If you've made it to this point in the piece, I'd like to thank you for reading this, for you are helping me to dream again.
