In one of my many YouTube endeavors I came across a vlogger named Marissa Lace (she is incredible, you should all subscribe to her). Anyway, in one of her vlogs she says something along the lines of, “The most important relationship in your life should be the one you have with yourself.” Ever since, that quote has really stuck with me. I had never really pictured self love as being something you could work on, I thought you either had it or you didn’t. However, the term "relationship" implies something completely different. It implies that self love isn’t a given, that you need to treat yourself and understand yourself to be able to have a healthy relationship. Many people have told me that you can’t love others, at least not romantically, unless you love yourself. I don’t necessarily believe this to be true, however, I have learned that loving yourself makes it a hell of a lot easier to let others into your life. I’ve learned that learning to love yourself isn’t always easy; that it’s a process that takes time and energy and often can be put in the terms of “dating yourself”
So without further adieu, here is how to date yourself.
1. Most importantly: get to know yourself.
We are all so incredibly different; each a blend of chromosomes and experiences that provides each of us with a unique outlook on life. You have to put what you were given to use and go find what makes you special and what you are passionate about. Try new things and see what calls to you. Reflect on your mistakes and focus on things you need to work on. Understanding and realizing who you are as a person not only helps you love yourself but it helps you grow into someone you can love even more.
2. Look good for yourself.
I can’t stress this one enough. I think we’ve all been in a slump for a couple of days where we don’t leave the house, cycle through our favorite pajamas, and binge watch our favorite shows. Often when I get in these slumps, I find myself cringing while looking in the mirror- that’s usually when I begin to hit a rough patch in the relationship with myself. So instead take a shower, put on an outfit that makes you feel good, maybe put on some make-up. Literally, make yourself look bomb simply to feel good.
3. Treat yo’ self.
(Sorry for the lame pop culture reference). Often we get so caught up in how far we have to go that we forget how far we’ve come. We work so hard and go through so much that we should reward ourselves. Buy the shoes you’ve been eyeing for a while after you get your paycheck. Get a massage or a giant brownie sundae. Splurge a little on yourself because you deserve it.
4. Be productive.
Dating isn’t always candle lit dinners and ferris wheel rides. It’s working hard on a relationship between two people, in this case, one, and making it work. So as tempting as Netflix can be, sometimes the absolute best feeling is just getting off your ass and going to the gym or putting on a cute outfit and going out with friends. Doing things that in the moment you may dread but afterwards make you feel good.
5. Date yourself.
Literally. It can be very intimidating to go places by yourself but sometimes it’s really nice just to take some time where you can reflect on your life. Maybe it’s as simple as taking yourself out for a coffee at the local coffee shop or taking a ceramics class for the first time. My point is that I’ve found that a lot of learning how to be comfortable with yourself is learning how to be comfortable by yourself and not relying on anyone else for your own happiness.
Self love takes work. And self improvement takes self love. So work on your relationship with yourself and you may be surprised by how much you improve.
