"Hello, my name is Madison, I have a stutter."
​"Hello, my name is Madison, I have a stutter."
This phrase replays over and over in my head. I have to keep it in my mind in case I meet someone new, in case they don't understand what's wrong or in case I make them feel uncomfortable. I've lived with this stutter for as long as I can remember and I've never been able to put down my guard. People surprise you with their actions, their words, and their reactions. Living on your toes is exhausting and infuriating at times. Though I live with this for the rest of my life, this disability gives me the great opportunity to learn about myself and others.
1. Some Days are Going to Suck.....Really bad.
I can't tell you how many times I've been let down at a day I thought was going to be fantastic. The worst days happen at the most inconvenient times. I recently had to give a couple presentations at school in front of my cohort, and let me tell you, those days were capital B-A-D. I had just come down with a cold, which makes speech production 10 times harder than it already is and I had to present slides standing in front of my class. I felt like the smallest little ant in front of the biggest, brightest magnifying glass. I push, grimaced, and stuttered through, even though it was hard. I left the room with tears in my eyes, both of frustration and relief that it was over, and I treated myself to an ice cream sundae to celebrate.
Bad days will come and they'll come when its least convenient for you. They'll come when you wore your Sunday best, they'll come when you just put the top down, and they'll come when you least expect them to. Bad days don't define you, but how you respond to them surely does.
2. There's No Easy Fix
Just like any obstacle in life, you can't expect an easy fix to pop up and for sunshine to come streaming through the clouds. Everything takes hard work, including your own recovery. One thing I've had to work on is accepting myself and realizing that there will never be a quick fix. I'll have to live with a speaking problem that impacts my life everyday for the rest of my life. There's nothing I can do about it except make the best of it and continue to learn from my experiences. With knowledge, I'll be able to slowly combat my challenges.
3. You Can Never Learn Unless You Step Outside Your Cage
Sometimes in order to better yourself, you have to step outside the cage. We can't live cooped up inside where it's comfortable forever. Take that key, turn the lock and step outside. For me it may be calling someone on the phone, ordering through the drive through, or going to a job interview. Open the door, take the first step and RUN.
4. These Struggles WILL Pass
Though the skies may seem dark and gloomy and the hole may seem too deep to climb out of, you just need to keep looking for a ladder. No struggle is too much that you can't handle it with some perseverance and some help from those who love you.
5. Don't Compare Yourself to Others
I have a tendency to compare myself to others in many things I do. It could be at school when I'm not doing as well as my other classmates, or at work when I'm not meeting a goal my coworkers have already met, or even comparing myself to other people who stutter. I know many stutters from regional camps and conferences who I look up to for their bravery and success. Most of them don't speak as severely as me, many with unnoticeable stutters that they can hide in their speech tools. I used to live with jealously and despair that I would never be successful because my stutter couldn't be hidden as well as theirs. I put myself down because I wasn't nearly as fluent as my friends and I wasn't trying hard enough. I blamed myself for not being able to fix my own condition.
Through lots of soul searching, I no longer subject myself to the torment I used to dish out. I no longer compare myself. I no longer long to be as fluent and as flawless as I think my friends are. My stutter is different and unique, with so much complexity and its own personality. My stutter DOES NOT relate to my success in the future and it will not affect my drive to do amazing things in my lifetime. I am my own person, not to be compared with others.
6. Sometimes People Just WON'T Apologize
You would think that if someone insults, berates, or embarrasses you that they'd at least give an apology. Well, that't not always the case. Some people just won't apologize. Instead, they'll try to JUSTIFY. "Oh, I have a disability too", "Oh I didn't know something was wrong", "She doesn't look like she has a problem". The fact is that people will inherently try to protect themselves first because apologizing leaves them vulnerable, which is an uncomfortable feeling for anyone. Be the bigger person and don't let it bug you. This isn't about them, it's about YOU.
7. People Won't Always Be Willing to Wait
"I don't have time for this"; "Can't you go any faster?" One of the facts of life is that people won't and don't have to give you the time of day. You'll always be second and less important to them. You'll always be a waste of their time or a bump in the road. Let these people be a model for what you DON'T want to be: a raging jerk. Listen, be attentive, and most of all, be compassionate.
8. When You Find People Who Give You the Time of Day, Hold Onto Them.
I know reading 1 through 4 was probably a downer, but I'm glad you got to this one because its the most important. People will be placed in our paths without us knowing who will change our lives for the better. They'll bring out your smile and your happiness; they'll bring out your silly and your playful; they'll bring out your hope any your courage. When they step into your world, HOLD ON TO THEM. Don't let them slip away into the cracks. People who enrich your life are the most valuable gift you can ever receive.
