I woke up at 10 on New Years Eve. After having to call my mom at 3:30 crying to come get me from someone's house, I had only slept for around three hours. I shot a text to my friend saying I wouldn't be going out that night, as I knew that I'd see the person that made me so hysterical. I was going to go to work and then probably change into sweats before eating pizza rolls and hanging out with my parents.
I took a nap after work and woke up to texts from other friends, saying that I should go out with them. I thought about it for a while and finally put on the outfit I had planned since the beginning of December and had my mother drive me to the bar we frequent. I was going to have a good night and look great doing it.
As soon as I walk in, I see my friends talking to the person that was originally going to ruin my plans. I felt a little childish but then I remembered that my feelings were valid and if someone else was in my shoes, they would be hurt too.
Turns out that I actually am not as invincible as I think I am. I care a lot more than I let on.
We were at the same bars, as there aren't many to choose from if you don't want to be sketched out, but I tried not to let it phase me. My friends were talking to this person on and off all night. As much as I want to believe everything is about me and he was doing it on purpose, that probably wasn't the case. I ignored it and every time they were around or looking, I smiled and acted like it didn't phase me.
Because eventually, it didn't.
This seems long and unnecessary, but I can't tell you how much fun I had with friends last night. I danced and talked to a bunch of people and got a few numbers. I didn't care about much besides the fact that the ice was watering down my Jack and Coke and if I was going to get free champagne at midnight. Of course, that elusive midnight kiss was at the back of my mind but I wasn't heartbroken when it didn't happen.
I posted pictures of me on instagram with the well placed caption, "Here's to the past it can kiss my glass. I hope he's happy with her." Because, well, I'm petty and I wanted people to know that I looked good and I didn't care anymore.
I try to act like guys don't matter. That if someone decides not to pursue anything with me, that it doesn't matter. I'm better alone. But I'm the one to fall sooner than I should, especially when I know it's not going to end up being anything serious. But never underestimate the power of a 22 year old girl that learned early in life that people aren't always who you make them out to be and they will most likely leave. She will go out, she will flirt with attractive guys in front of you, and she will act like you don't exist.
