When I first learned about Tinder, I swore up and down that I would never be one to use it. The whole concept seemed so shallow, and just too simple. A virtual catalog of men within a 50-mile radius, in the palm of my hand? Upon further consideration, I realized that Tinder is just a more advanced version of those notes that get passed around in elementary school: "Do you like me? Swipe right for yes, left for no." Except instead of being in the same class, you both just happen to have a Tinder account.
I rejected the idea of Tinder at first, but as a sociology nerd I couldn't help but speculate about the psychology behind it all. How could any rational human being take part in such a thing? About a month ago, I decided the only way to find out was to try it myself. Also, winter storm Jonas was hanging around and I was not up to going outside. I made myself a Tinder account and used it faithfully for four days, and I actually learned a lot about myself and humanity.
I got the hang of it pretty quickly, actually. My list of instant-swipe-lefts grew longer and longer as the day went by. Shirtless selfie? Nope. Gauges? Pass. Dead animals in the photo? Ew. And with that came my first discovery. Even with online dating, people have standards. The decision to use a dating app or website doesn't determine the trajectory of your love life, your standards do. And how you choose to implement those will ultimately determine your results when using apps like Tinder that rely on user activity.
I think what people really like about Tinder is that it gives us permission to skip the whole "I think you're attractive, but don't know how to tell you" phase. And I still haven't decided if that's smart or just laziness on our part as humans. But even when both people swipe right, someone still has to take the initiative. Someone has to message first. So in reality it doesn't fully surpass the awkward stage, but cloaks it in Emojis to make it less terrifying.
The hardest thing for me to admit about Tinder was that I actually started to enjoy it. I expected to be done with it after day one, but nothing beats the gratification of being notified that someone you have classified is attractive finds you attractive as well. It's a real confidence booster. It was once explained to me that for every girl there are probably at least three guys who would like to ask her out, but don't know how to do it or just never take the risk. Now, that doesn't necessarily mean those guys are the ones she wants to ask her out, but it is meaningful nonetheless. My Tinder experiment actually confirmed that. My three or four matches in a day meant three or four people who were attracted to me in some capacity, and that was kind of nice. That's where Tinder gets tricky, though.
If I enjoyed it, then why did I limit myself to one weekend? Well, the truth is, friends, the buzz we get from that social gratification is addictive. Yes, any sort of app can become addictive, but dating apps like Tinder pose the danger of becoming more than just that thing you should give up for Lent. One day you have two matches instead of four, or that one super-hot match doesn't message back, and all of a sudden you feel a twinge of disappointment. You fight it by swiping more and more, only making yourself more dissatisfied with each "like" that doesn't result in a match. On the other hand, some days you may be messaging three guys at once and start to wonder if you'll have to choose between them on your wedding day. As a Tinder user you experience a wide range of emotions that can be enlightening, but also exhausting. I did not want my state of mind to depend on the pings of my smartphone, or the number of matches in my box.
Despite my short affair with Tinder, I really do appreciate that it introduces us to people outside of our usual circles. Not only does that expose you to new ideas and a world outside your own, but it also statistically ups your chances of finding a date. So it makes sense. And maybe, for practical reasons, I'll try it again sometime. Overall, I can now honestly say that I will never again judge humanity so harshly for Tinder. Though it has its faults, the usefulness of Tinder still lies in your understanding of yourself, and of the human mind.
