When your world comes crashing down in the matter of seconds, you’re not going to know what to do. Hearing the words “it’s over” or “we should break up” or “let’s see other people” is never going to be easy. You’re going to feel lost. You’ll forget how to function while doing everyday tasks. You’ll cry until there is nothing left and forget to eat because everything makes you absolutely nauseous. It’ll feel like you can’t speak and like you have forgotten how to breathe.

Getting your heart broken leaves you with an indescribable amount of pain, and it seems like nothing will ever go right for you again. It may feel like your world is coming to an end, but it isn’t. Your life is only starting and you have so much left to learn.

Here are 14 things I learned while going through a devastating breakup:

1. No matter how good you are to others, some people just won't see your goodness.

You can be the absolute best version of yourself that you can be, and some people still will overlook the value in that.

Good people operate in the way that assumes everyone has the same heart as them. They think that people will fight for them the way they fight for people when the times get tough. They think that people have been hurt before so they know what it is like and won’t want to pass that pain to someone else.

Good people are often left wondering what they did wrong, but in reality, they didn’t do anything but give their goodness to the wrong person. You can give someone all of you, but that doesn’t matter if that isn’t what they want.

The bigger heart you have, the more of it there is to eventually be broken. The more genuine with people you are, the harder it is to let go when you see that the degree of loyalty to you isn’t the same.

2. You will cry a lot and at the most random times.

The brain works in odd ways. After experiencing something so many times, a neutral object becomes part of a cognitive network that activates thoughts of your ex.

For example, maybe you are going out to eat to try to take your mind off things. You decide to order fries with a side of ranch. If your ex ate ranch with their fries or if you ordered that once when the two of you went out, that may lead to thinking of your ex and more uncontrollable tears.

Thus, the thought of fries and ranch is associatively primed to trigger memories of that person. It sounds absolutely ridiculous, but it is true and it will happen. Yeah, it’s embarrassing to cry over something that seems so trivial, but if you need to cry then cry. You eventually will cry it all out until there is nothing left.

Once all of your tears are gone, you have to take steps to keep them from returning. It may seem impossible at first, but the tears will slow and eventually stop. You just have to get through the hardest days to get to the best ones.

3. Even when you least feel like it, it’s important to go out.

After a particularly difficult breakup, it is easy to crawl into bed with no intention of ever getting out. It’s important that you resist these urges and surround yourself with a good group of people and go somewhere fun. You don’t have to go out with the intention of finding someone new, but you have to stop thinking about the breakup and surrounding yourself with people (even when you don’t want to) will help. I’m not the most social person and I don’t go out often, but after a rough breakup, I have met more people in the past two weeks than I have the past few years.

4. Just because one person doesn’t want you, it doesn’t mean that no one else ever will.

It’s easy to let yourself fall into that whirlpool of thoughts that continuously tell you that no one will ever love you.

You will think that you are undesirable and unlovable. This will cause you to try to examine every aspect of your life that you think you need to alter. You have to do everything to prevent these self-doubting and cruel thoughts.

There is someone out there who is looking for all of the things you have to offer. Just because one person did not see your value doesn’t mean that you will never be valued by someone else. On top of that, you don’t need someone to be with to make you happy.

As soon as you realize that you have a lot to offer and it is their loss, you will be thankful things did not work out with that person.

5. Trust your instincts.

If something doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t. A lot of times we want so badly for feelings to be reciprocated that we overlook these glaring details that things are not the way they once were or the way that they should be. You need to address these issues as they arise instead of pushing them to the back of your mind.

Express your concerns. Your thoughts and intuitions are always valid, and you cannot let anyone make you think otherwise.

6. Don’t love someone so much that you forget to love yourself.

You carry so much love in your heart. Don’t forget to give some to yourself. A lot of times we give so much love to others that we don’t have any left for ourselves. Give love to yourself first just in case the person who once gave you love decides to take it all back.

You cannot depend on other people to give you the love you deserve. When you let others build you up, they also have the power to tear you down. You don’t need validation from anyone else but yourself.

It’s not selfish to love yourself, take care of yourself, and make your happiness a priority; It’s necessary.

7. It’s better to be single than to be in a one-sided relationship.

Towards the end of a relationship, it can become fairly one-sided. You may try to convince yourself that you’re reading into things and that the lack of love is just you being insecure, but a lot of times it is true. You can’t wait around for that person to love you or miss you and to show it. If you aren’t getting back the love you are giving, then you don’t need that relationship.

It’s better for everyone’s sake in the long run if you end the relationship rather than loving someone who doesn’t want to be loved.

8. Hope, but don't expect.

You have to accept your feelings. If you are left with even the slightest bit of hope that the relationship may have a future, it’s okay to keep that hope. It’s good to have faith that things will work out, but what you cannot do is expect that anything is guaranteed. Don’t let this hope consume you by waiting around for something that may never come.

9. Believe in time.

People always say that time heals all wounds, but no one ever says how long it takes. At first it seems that things will never get better, but after some time it will. Time gives you the opportunity to reflect and discover yourself. Time may fix the relationship, give you time to move on, or realize that you need to be alone.

Either way, time will help you deal with the breakup. You just have to be patient and things will get easier every day.

10. Don’t leave things open-ended.

If you want answers, then you have to ask the questions. You have to keep in mind that you may not get the answers you want, but some answers are better than being left to wonder. Sometimes people may not have a good reason to end the relationship, but you can’t force someone to want to be with you. Ask the questions you have, but don’t argue with the answers.

You can’t live your life wondering “why” or “what if.”

You have to ask the difficult questions and know that you did your part to salvage the relationship. All you can do is try and respect what the other person wants, even if it seems like it will kill you.

11. You can’t let a breakup ruin all of your happy memories.

Depending on how long you were in a relationship with this person, a lot of your best memories most likely involve them. One of the most difficult parts of a breakup is learning how to deal with the memories. Things that once made you laugh now make you cry and things that once made you happy now make you want to throw your fist at the wall.

After the initial pain of a breakup subsides, it’s necessary that you come to terms with the fact that your ex was an important part of your life and even though the thought upsets you now, it was what made you the happiest at one point. You can’t feel resentment or regret for the relationship because at one time it was exactly what you wanted.

Hold the memories close to your heart by remembering how happy you were in that moment rather than thinking about the pain that person caused in the end.

12. Happiness is the only ‘revenge’ you need.

When people hurt you, happiness is the best revenge. You need to let go of the idea that you need to hurt them back or prove a point because that isn’t necessary. Instead of using your pain to bring someone else down, use it as a driving force to make yourself better.

You need to focus on your own happiness, and karma will work its self out one day, but for today, move on and show your ex that you can smile and be happy without them even though you never thought you could.

13. People are not perfect, but they do deserve forgiveness.

Sometimes you have to forgive people that aren’t even sorry and that takes a special type of strength. It can be hard to forgive and let go, but harboring resentment can hurt you even more. It’s important to forgive those who broke your heart, not necessarily because they deserve forgiveness, but because you deserve peace.

14. The pain won’t last forever.

Before you can heal, you have to allow yourself to hurt. Healing takes time. Getting over the one person who you never thought would break your heart is not going to be easy. Some days you will feel on top of the world and others you will feel completely destroyed. Something will remind you of that person and you’ll have to run to the bathroom, on the verge of a breakdown.

There’s no time limit to healing a broken heart. There is no way to avoid the pain. One thing that is for sure, though, is that you will get over that person. One day you will laugh louder and smile bigger than you ever thought you could. You will be happier than you ever imagined. You will stop thinking about the person that broke your heart.

You will heal. But to do so, you have to allow yourself to.