Growing up, I believed that nursing homes were much less of homes, and more of gloomy hospital-like settings where elderly people resided. Despite my best efforts to put a smile on my face when I would sing Christmas Carols down the halls, there was always a sadness inside me as I looked around at the people, many in wheelchairs, trapped inside that building all day. Thus, it should come as no surprise that when my Nana was admitted to a care facility, and then switched permanently over as a resident, I was crushed. Since her admittance there, I have learned more lessons than I could have anticipated as a result of this situation.

Patience:

When I visit my Nana with my parents, I have learned the most about patience. Before heading over, my mom often prepares a cup of fruit and takes her time to cut every piece into a small enough one. Similarly, when my dad and I sit through dinner and she needs her food cut, he does so without complaining and cuts it into the tiniest of pieces. Even when she makes a remark about something, they continue on with smiles on their faces. They never show their frustration when answering the same question over and over again. There has never been a time where they gave up on trying to entertain her or on making her happy regardless of how tiring it may have been for them. I learned that sometimes patience is taking a deep breath and being as nice as you can, putting aside your own frustrations for the better of the other person.

Love:

Unconditional love does not need to be reserved for romance novels and perhaps it is better that it’s not, because this situation has taught me far more about love than I ever expected. My aunt drives across the county numerous days a week just to make sure her mother always has a visitor. I have known her to be a hard worker and recently that has shown even more. She puts her all into her family and constantly puts others before herself. She has shown what it means to selflessly love others as she gives her all to my Nana who only has her company to return. When my aunt is having a rough day, I know she still takes the drive and walks into the nursing home with a smile on her face. Love isn’t selfish and that is not always easy. Sometimes it means making time even when you seem to have less than enough. It means showing up even when you are tired and just want a night to yourself. It means going the extra mile to do something nice such as arriving with beans from KFC because they will probably make her happier than whatever is for dinner that night.

There’s still time:

While I was growing up, my Nana lived further away from me than me other grandparents did. Although my parents took me to visit her, I never had the chance to form an individual relationship with her merely because of the distance. Now that she has moved into a nursing home near me, I am closer to her than I ever was. Being in the same area, has given me the chance to spend more time with her on our own. During our visits, I tell her about my day to day life, which is a change from the general updates I once provided. I also have the opportunity to ask her questions about her life. Some questions are as simple as revisiting whether or not she likes brownies, but I am blessed to learn the little things about her that I never would have known. We often bond as we laugh and roll our eyes about something someone in the room is doing or saying. Most importantly, we spend quality time together that I once thought would only happen with my other grandparents. Of course, I would have loved to grow up with these interactions that could have involved us sitting at the table eating cookies as I did with them. However, that was not the reality of my life as a child and I believe that things worked out in the end anyway. I appreciate the fact that even though I am older now, I have been able to form a new and more personal relationship with her.

Humor:

I know that I can't expect every visit to go according to plan. Some days turn out to be flops where she is napping when someone arrives with ice cream, when there is good news to share but she is screaming in pain, or when everyone else in the building is interrupting your conversation. There have been times where people come up to me, repeatedly asking if I see the man sitting at the table with us; I do not. There are days when I walk down a hallway lined with elderly people reaching out and calling to me. There are days that involve grabbing dirty laundry, holding used tissues, and watching people drool. A lot of this situation is laughing along while you play the cards you're dealt. I have learned to embrace the fact that even on the strangest of most difficult of days, there will be a story to laugh about later.

Appreciation:

Appreciating the little things in life is a common idea among people, but it is rare that we truly live it out. When I take my Nana outside for an hour, one would think I brought her somewhere far more beautiful than a patio. However, her genuine happiness at the feeling of the sun on her skin, the usefulness of the umbrellas, and the beauty in the flowers reveals an appreciation I often overlooked. When I walk around on a nice day, I now think of how lucky I am that I can go outside on my own to enjoy it. We take seemingly thrilling excursions to the vending machine for iced tea and cookie parties. What is a simple event for many, is the event of the day for her. I have learned that a lot of happiness can from the small moment of enjoying a snack with someone you love.

Silver Linings:

Two years ago, I would not have believed everything positive that would one day come from my Nana being in a nursing home. What once seemed like a terrible fate for the elderly, has proven to be a blessing in disguise in my own life. For anyone whose grandparent is or may one day end up in a nursing home, I hope you embrace the opportunities this gives you to form a new type of relationship with them. There is so much to learn about yourself, about those around you, and about life, and this is just another opportunity for that. I am happy that I now realize there really is a silver lining around it all.