Growing up I was lost. My identity was buried under others' opinions, forcing me into someone I wasn't. Their words truly affected my thoughts. If they said I was ugly, I believed them. If they told me I wasn't good enough, I trusted them. People who I thought were my friends or complete strangers transformed me into someone I absolutely hated. It's not easy being constantly reminded that you aren't their idea of perfect. Every little flaw that you hold is picked out and dissected as if you were invisible. All I wanted was to fit in, to make them stop with their hurtful comments and that's what I did. I became what they wanted me to be. I know it's never easy in high school. There's always drama buzzing through the halls, but for some like me, it was much more than that.
Growing up, others would refer to me as ugly and tease me about some of my facial features. These remarks continued on as I started my high school years. That's when I started to change. It was as if someone else had taken over my body. I studied the way the popular girls acted. I tried my best to find ways to fix my "ugliness" and I even tried stooping my level down to theirs. With all of the changes that were done to my image, people started to lighten up. The name calling gradually stopped, boys started to notice me and I was with a crowd of people who were well known. I thought it would've been a great feeling to finally be accepted and well-liked, but I never reached that level of satisfaction.
Instead of being content, I was miserable. Pretending to be someone else takes a lot of work and I understood that quickly. Although I was receiving the attention I had wished for, it was in all the wrong ways. The ones I trusted never truly cared, it was all for what I had to offer. Guys didn't like me for my heart, they wanted something more than that. In the end, I turned myself into a monster and away from my beliefs. My mind became absent from what was really important. Thankfully I figured that out in the following years.
Today I can look at myself in the mirror and be in love with the figure staring back at me. What I see now is the person I have always wanted to be, but was too afraid to show others based on past experiences. I am no longer chained to the old me, she is dead and gone. Once I realized how to cherish myself and embrace who I am, I've found the light in life and what it means to be fully comfortable in your own skin.
Accepting yourself for who you are is never easy. You must first acknowledge your flaws and know that everyone has something they wish they could change about themselves. Don't ever be scared to do the things that interest you the most whether it be sports, video games, etc. The people who care about you won't make judgments on what activities you partake in. They will love you for who you are and what you represent.
Lastly, if there is anything I can make you take away from this, it's to never listen to other's criticism. Let them try to put you down; let them try to bring you to defeat. Because in the end, it shows that they are weak and disturbed for mentally abusing someone else. No matter what there is only one you on this earth. Take in every moment, breathe in the air around you and celebrate life like it's your last, because it's too short to waste it on trying to be someone else.
