A couple months ago, I was feeling very anxious, not only with my future, but who I really was and who I wanted to be. I was constantly trying to fit in and force my life in a direction I wanted it to go. I was constantly striving for other's approval and shoving myself down when I didn't get just that. As if I couldn't believe I was good enough, unless someone said it. As if I couldn't believe I could do great things and had great things ahead, unless someone said so.
The past couple of weeks I've realized I was constantly struggling because I was trying to control my whole life, when in reality God already has it all figured out. How wonderful it is to have someone that forgives you no matter how badly you run off course, to have someone to place all your worries and hopes in and know that he will make them right.
Every broken heart, every wrong turn, every friendship you make, he does that and is the only one who knows us better than ourselves.
I now rest all my anxieties, struggles and dreams on him. He knows what my heart desires and what is best for me, even when I believe something to be great for my life. I now realize that I may not be good enough for everyone and that's life. Yet, now I know I am good enough for me. I'm not perfect and I don't want to pretend to be. I enjoy striving to be better everyday and become someone my younger self or sister would hope to be one day. I have realized that I have to leave people and habits in my past in order to grow into the person I would like to be.
I'm finally genuinely happy with where I am at (although not everything in life right now is rainbows and butterflies). I am finally ready to see what all I can do and what possibilities lie ahead. I am praying to do some big things in my life, no matter the struggle and hardships to get there, and I won't settle for anything less than extraordinary any longer. If there is a will, there is a way, and God is leading me on a path I am very excited for.
God is leading me straight to his own cross and showing me that in love there is pain and if you want something bad enough, you can have it. He is reminding me constantly how he is the beginning and the end, and never starts something he doesn't plan on finishing. I am not where I need to be in life because as much as I want to believe I am at my peak, I have many more mountains to climb before I reach all my goals. Yet, it is so comforting knowing I am not climbing these mountains alone.
It is so comforting to know that when I say "God, please walk me in the right direction and hold my hand while you do it," that he will continue to lead me to the cross even on my days of doubt. That every two steps forward or ten steps back, he will always be by my side. And to wake up each day knowing that God is on my side ... is enough.
"I declare breakthroughs are coming in my life, sudden bursts of God's goodness. Not a trickle. Not a stream. But a flood of God's power. A flood of healing. A flood of wisdom. A flood of favor. I am a breakthrough person and I choose to live breakthrough minded. I am expecting God to overwhelm with his goodness and amaze me with his favor. This is my declaration."
