As we grow older, our lives get bigger. We leave home, we go on adventures and we meet new people. Our time becomes crowded with the things we must do, and the things we'd like to do instead sometimes fall by the wayside. In expanding our horizons, we enrich our life experience... but the farther from home we go, the farther we find our old lives are behind us.
I'm no stranger to long distance relationships, but I have to admit that I suck at them. Some of my best friends I haven't seen in over a year or talked to in months. There are people in my life that I thought I'd never forget, but who I've lost contact with completely. Every time I think about how long it's been since I just sent a friendly text to an old pal, I get embarrassed. I couldn't possibly message them now or call them out of the blue.
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It's been too long. It would feel too strange. It will hurt too much.
Then come the feelings of inadequacy. I know I haven't made the time. I didn't put in enough effort, but does my old friend even care about me anymore? Have they forgotten our bond? Is our season done? Is it MY fault?
For me, it's hard to put myself out there. It's much easier to try not to think about the people from my past than it is to simply reach out, reconnect and carry on from where we left off. Why is that the way things feel to me?
I've had long distance relationships with boys, my cat and even old roommates, but one of the hardest challenges for me has been trying to deal with the extra miles between me and the friends I grew up with. How do you cope with the separation when these people who were once your whole world are now waving to you from so far away?
Do you put up a wall so you don't have to think about how different things used to be? Do you wave back? Have you even tried?
Even if my actions don't show it, I still care about you, my friend. I love hearing about your adventures. I still want to be a part of your life. I may be too shy or ashamed to make the first move to reconnect, but you're my friend, so you already know that about me. You love me despite my insecurities - you always have.
I don't need much in the way of a response. I don't need a reply at all, really. For the most part, I like to think of myself as a very low-maintenance friend, in that I don't often feel that our friendship is slipping away just because we haven't talked in a while. Life happens. I get it. But I often forget that reaching out to someone is a two-way street and that sometimes I need to do more of the reaching.
I need to tell you that you still mean so much to me, even though I hardly ever take the time to show it. You're still a special part of my life, even when we're not together.
I miss you, my friend.
