After my last break up which hit me pretty hard, I didn't care about anything or anyone. I was a party girl I guess you could say. I had hookups but always tried to turn them into more because I wanted a boyfriend. I definitely was not in the right state of mind though so I stopped with the random hookups and learned to find myself. Where I found myself was afraid to fall in love again. I didn't want to commit and once I gained feelings for someone I would leave. I went almost a year without having sex because it took a title for me to sleep with a guy until I met you.

When I met you I had a "thing" with a guy I finally wasn't afraid to try and have a title with. Him and I had been hanging out and acting like boyfriend/girlfriend for almost 6 months. I still refused to have sex with him. Then you came along and changed everything. I met you once before but only for a hi and a bye at my nephews birthday party. The second time was at my brothers because my sister invited you in. We flirted but you were drunk so I didn't think anything of it plus I liked another guy. Soon after we finished wrapping presents, it was time to go to bed. I went up to my bedroom at my brothers only for you to follow. There were two bedrooms upstairs. I let you choose which one you wanted. I started to get ready to lay down only for you to crawl into my bed. I told you I was going to sleep but there was something about you I couldn't resist. So I allowed what happened to happen. The next morning I woke up to feel guilty but so happy. We said goodbye and I never expected to hear from you again.

Little did I know, I would and it became a weekly hookup between us. I started to push away the guy I liked and I chose to do that when I left hanging out with him to go sleep with you. I soon stopped all contact with him and the guilt was lifted off my shoulders. I didn't know what was happening between us but I didn't care. You were invited to different events with me, my brother, sister and nephews which to me just gave us another reason to see each other.

We'd go days sometimes weeks without speaking then a random text would come onto my phone and I knew exactly what it said only because it was a Thursday. I knew what we were friends with benefits. Then one night when your phone went off and the text was from your best friend asking if you were going home or trying to get some and you replied the second answer, something in me triggered. I didn't like what I felt so that night I let you lay beside me, cuddle me, kiss me but I was not having sex with you. I didn't that night but next week or the next time we hang out I probably will because you are my late night text too.