If you know me well, you know that I hardly sleep. It's seemingly my personality trait. Often, people ask me why I don't sleep, or remind me that I need sleep, and how important it is. While I agree, sleep is important, and I enjoy it just as much as the next person, I feel clarity in my lack of sleep. There are so many moments in the middle of the night, or in the early morning, that in the middle of my studies, I've felt God, I've heard His voice. It's the one time in my day that I have to be silent and to devote to myself.
In the past few weeks, I've pulled a few late nights and a few all-nighters. In these nights, I feel like my mind has been opened to see the mercies and wonders of God in my life. I feel like He has also been nudging me to share what He's opened my eyes to see, so thus, I share this with you.
No matter how broken I may be, God will still use me in my brokenness for His ultimate glory.
Last night, I was up trying desperately to read Ptolemy, Cicero, and Machiavelli, and prepare for my morning class. As you may know, as a Political Science major, there is a lot of reading involved. I'm currently putting off about 400 pages that I need to read before tomorrows class (yikes). But back to my story. I was deep in Book 2 of Ptolemy of Lucca's On the Government of Rulers learning about the necessity for a temperate climate for the best political outcomes, and I needed a brain break. Now for most people, this means taking a nap, watching Netflix, or scrolling through Twitter, but for me, I take my breaks as a time to open my Bible. As a 'Porchie' who strongly supports The Porch ministry from Watermark Church in Dallas, I opened the Join the Journey devotional that is emailed to my .edu email every day at midnight. This specific devotion was talking about Jesus being our promise keeper, and how He keeps His word. Now you're probably looking back to the header and thinking I've written under the wrong subtitle. But I didn't. The passage that it referred to was in 2 Timothy. Sometimes, when I feel like I don't totally grasp the entirety of the scripture, I read onwards. Most times, I lose track of where I was supposed to stop and end up reading much further into the chapter than intended. Last night was one of those instances. I ended up reading all the way to 2 Timothy 4:17-18. As I read the verse, my eyes began to burn with tears as I realized how much I needed to open my Bible to this verse. It read:
"But the Lord stood with me and strengthened me, so that the message might be preached fully through me, and that all the Gentiles may hear. Also, I was delivered out of the mouth of the lion. And the Lord will deliver me from every evil work and preserve me for His heavenly kingdom. To Him be glory forever and ever. Amen"
I've lost count of how many times I have felt like my brokenness disqualifies me to share my faith. I have so many times kept my mouth shut because I felt like I wasn't good enough, or worthy enough to share the love of Christ. But as I came across this verse I realized my faulted thinking. The Lord has never left my side. He has immensely strengthened me from so many past hurts and scars. He's delivered me out of my pain. Because He loves me. He loves me that much.Always,
HMS
