December 4th, 2014.
That was the last time the University of Central Florida, famous for the country's best homecoming tradition and lack of beer, won a football game. It was a remarkable game, a last-minute hail mary that shocked the country. But it was a game that happened a year and a half ago and it's pretty safe to say that the world is a lot different now than it was back then.
Disclaimer: I love UCF. I'll bleed black and gold until I die, but it's been too damn long since we won a game. So that's why I'm here: to show y'all just how much is at stake before our first game (aptly name the #firstFrost after our new head coach) this Saturday.
Zayn was still in One Direction.
March of 2015 is when the Zayn gathered his bad boy attitude and pointy hair and left the boy group, deciding that it was no longer "the story of his life".
Dennis Rodman+Kim Jong Un=BFF 4 EVA
Remember when basketball's favorite weirdo and North Korea's obligatory favorite dictator became best friends? That budding friendship (romance???) was all the rage last time UCF was winning football games.
Michael Phelps was retired from swimming.
In 2014, it had been two years since the 2012 London Olympics where Michael Phelps, after becoming the most decorated Olympian of all time, announced he would retire and not be returning for the 2016 Rio Games. But since we believed things at face value, like believing that UCF would keep winning football games, we believed him as well.
Jon Stewart was still the host of the Daily Show and would be for six more months.
Back when my world was still whole.
"The dress" hadn't divided the world.
Yeah. YEAH. Remember this? Remember when Buzzfeed ruined every relationship we hold dear and the world shut down for 48 hours? Lines in the sand being drawn as if we were in a new post-apocalyptic society? The last time UCF won a football game, no one knew about the black and blue (yeah I said it fight me) mess because it wouldn't exist for three more months.
No one was safe.
And the "high speed llama chase" was still just a phrase your high roommate would mutter in his sleep and not an actual event that actually happened.
I didn't think I would ever admit to this but here goes; I freed those llamas. In February 2015 I sensed UCF football was in need of new leadership so I tried to discreetly send a message to Coach Frost who, at the time, was still coaching in Oregon. I realize now that email would have been sufficient but I wanted to make a statement. Sadly the llamas were caught before they reached our future head coach.
Star Wars: The Force Awakens was still just a twinkle in our eye.
The film wouldn't be released until December 18th, 2015, more than a year after UCF's last out-of-this world victory.
Snapchat didn't have selfie filters.
SNAPCHAT DIDN'T HAVE SELFIE FILTERS.
Kim Kardashian had yet to #breaktheinternet...
The issue of Paper Magazine would be released a few weeks later.
...but Alex from Target sure was.
The internet was smack dab in the middle of freaking out over this regular teenager with a part time job who was ACTUALLY just a regular teenager with a part time job.
And finally, some shows that were still on the air:
-Mad Men
-Glee
-Parks and Recreation
-Community
-Cougar Town
-Dallas
Now I'm not saying UCF's losses are the reason 2016 has been infamously depressing but that's exactly what I'm saying.
I don't think any self-respecting Knights fan wants to make this list longer so here's hoping the #firstFrost will thaw out our losing streaking.
