On January 18, 2018, I walked into St. John's University for the last first day of the semester that I will ever experience as an undergraduate student (since there is a good possibility that I will be in graduate school one day). It was hard to imagine that just three and a half years prior, I had walked into the school for the first time as a freshman.
College flew by. And I know I sound like one of those people that say "don't blink, you might miss it" but damn this was easily the fastest four years of my life, or at least it feels like it. High school took literally forever in comparison to college. And elementary school? Ugh. I still feel like fourth grade lasted for three years.
Admittedly, as it's been documented before, I was terrified about the last semester of undergrad. It was my biggest fear entering the year of 2018. As I looked into the future, past May 20th (the day of graduation) I saw essentially nothing but uncertainty. Honestly, I still see nothing but uncertainty. This wasn't like the last semester of high school. The last semester of high school was a joke that required no effort with a clear-cut ending that led me to college. Right now, as of March, I'm weighing the options and trying to figure out exactly what path I need to take next. And that's why it was a scary thought for me.
College was a chance for me to grow and that I did. However, my circle really didn't grow much. I didn't make many friends in my time in college, partly because I thought I hated everyone and partly because I was a commuter and didn't spend much time here. And every time I thought I made friends, something stupid always happened to cause us to not be friends or we just stopped talking after classes were over.
College taught me how to be a student. I didn't take high school as seriously as I probably should have. I didn't study much and half-assed my homework. If I had applied myself I could have dominated in high school but I just didn't care. When I got to college, I still had a similar approach but I was determined to actually get an A. After a rocky year of 2015 and sophomore year, I turned into a perfectionist, accepting nothing less than what I knew I could do. College did that for me. For the first time in my life as a student, I strived to be all I could be.
My four years of college was the definition of peaks and valleys. I came into freshman year of college as a cocky moron who had "all the answers" with my blonde soccer-playing girlfriend and a ginormous attitude. I can confidently say that college was the reality check I needed. It sent me down a path that made me happier than I've ever been and probably more depressed than I had ever been. It tested my limits, it changed a lot of things about me, it taught me life lessons, and it molded me into a different person. In May I'll walk out of here as a humble but enlightened moron who has little to no answers with my blonde cheerleading girlfriend and a twisted spice on my attitude.
The last semester of undergraduate obviously puts me in a very reflective mood. It makes me think about all I did in the last four years: the good, the bad, and the horrific. It makes me remember all of the good times and the bad times because its all of those moments that got me here. It also makes me regret all the things I didn't do. At the top of the list? Going away to school. But even then, I can say I made a good decision by going to St. John's.
Throughout my first seven semesters, I couldn't wait to be done with college but now that I'm so close to the finish line, it's hard to accept that it's over already. It feels like just yesterday that I parked my car on 172nd street in Jamaica because I didn't have a parking pass yet and didn't know I could get away with parking in the garage and then walked through gate five and saw the towering presence of the D'Angelo Center. On May 20th, when I do the same thing (since parking will probably suck on the day of graduation) it'll probably fully hit me that it's all over. The hardest, most painful, sweetest, exciting, and happiest days are done.
