When I started this article, it was another document on my computer stashed away in the "For No One But Me To See" folder. As I was scavenging through that folder, I came across words that seemed so familiar yet so blurry. As a person who loves people, I find a lot of my energy and joy coming from them. So, when I'm not around people — my energy level is a 22% kind of thing. This is the background that brings us to this lost article in the mess that is my laptop.
I have found myself quiet. I haven't always been like this. For most of my life, I was loud. I was the one who had a vibrant personality. I was always talking to new people. Now, I have found myself loud around those I know. I have found myself holding back around those I would call strangers. Even around acquaintances, I tend to be quiet. Why? I don't know, but it frustrates me.
I don't know if it's the anxiety or overwhelmingness of our world, but I'm here to share it because I know someone somewhere can relate.
I'm tired. I'm tired of how draining this world can be. My laptop battery is currently at 22% and I can't find my charger. That seems quite fitting right now. I feel like I'm at 22% without a charger in sight. The more work I do, the lower my battery seems to get. This could totally be a meme. In fact, I'm going to think of it as one for right now.
Sitting here in the dim room, I'm realizing how often I play memories in my head. It's draining. Don't get me wrong, I love memories, but there are times when I wish they were silent.
My laptop is now at 20%. Slowly going down, just like me. As I type this, words are not being spaced and I have to go back to fix it. As I type this, words are being spelled with letters that don't make sense. For instance, I spelled "realizing" as "rielyzing." What? Homegirl, you ok? No, no I'm not.
Where's my charger? I need it. I need to sleep. I can't sleep though. I think I'm averaging four hours a night now. This is not healthy. I'm hungry, but not for what you think. I'm hungry for restoration. I need to find peace again. Help me. Where's my charger? I break down.
Life was not meant to be this way, but it is. I should not be writing this. I should not be here, living like this. I'm tired. I'm scared. I'm worried. Life is not supposed to be like this. Help me. I'm scared. I'm at 15% now. I need my charger. I need it now. I have things to get done. I need my charger-14%.
It's dying. I feel like I'm out battery. Help!
3, 2, 1...
4%
Done.
