language.
the concept of language blows my mind.
sounds strung into words and words flow into sentences.
sentence by sentence a person can lure you in.
guides you through the door and coaxes you out of your shell.
the shell you grew just for people like him.
you didn't think he would be the same.
you thought it was different this time.
you got lost in his smile, his bright green eyes, and his abrupt honesty.
you fell in love so fast it made your head spin.
you left after a month and a half to travel the world.
you made your dream house together.
you spent hours talking about the future and how life will be back in the states.
but that crashed. it burned.
he was just the same as all of the other ones.
you started to think that maybe the only people who are interested in you are assholes.
why? do you just have "broken and easily manipulated" written on your forehead?
family and friends tell you how strong and beautiful you are.
but you just can't seem to believe them.
the only thing you can think about are all of the broken promises asshole boys have gifted you.
you look in the mirror and you don't even recognize who you have become.
who even are you? who do you want to be? why do you hate yourself so damn much?
I can tell you. you don't like who you have become. you are immature. you are lazy. you flake out on people.
and above all, you let asshole boys be your entire personality.
you can't wait to be married, have children, have a great job near your parents.
why can't you just be fucking happy living in the moment for once in your life?
why can't you love yourself? you aren't terrible looking.
why won't you allow yourself to heal?
stop binge eating every time the most recent ex comes up in your mind.
don't make him end up like your freshman year break up. you gained 50 pounds and almost didn't crawl back from your cave.
you don't know where to go from here, I know that. you don't know how to proceed and that is hard.
don't give up. even if you feel like you can't go on, I promise that you are impacting at least one person's life.
you aren't worthless. people say you're a leader who isn't afraid to show vulnerability. use that.
be proud of yourself.
